No Pain No Gain

Well, I am breaking personal records all over the place.

First yesterday, then today...running for a second day in a row! Often the first day of running after a long gap my hip is so sore I can't barely walk for a week, and even when it's not that sore I tell myself I need to space out my runs. But I had the opportunity to run with a new friend who is a marathon trainer! She wanted a slow run because she's injured but still training to do the 26 mile/40k run next Sunday, so I benefited from the privilege of slowing her down :) Couldn't turn that down!

Not only did she get me out for a second day in a row but she is definitely in the right profession because she was an excellent coach. She knew just how to encourage me, how to challenge me, when to let me walk, when to say I could run more, when I needed the strength of Christ, how to reinforce my good habits, teach me better habits and form. And the results speak for themselves....

Better average speed, better top speed, longer distance, almost no hip pain (yesterday had quite a bit) and she helped me learn how to run in a form that would continue to strengthen my hip while not straining it so much as well. And she taught me to run through the calf strain, which I thought at first would do me in but she said muscle pain is ok to run through, so I kept going. So many improved results I can hardly believe it!

But I don't want to sugar coat it. It was hard. I walked very slowly home.

But that gave me some time to think.

About hard work.

I didn't think I was adverse to it, but I realized today I had a fear of the hard work it would take to accomplish a marathon, even a 5k, a distance I have easily walked. This was not something I was conscious of before, and so I wondered where this fear came from? Especially considering I have at least 3 people in my life who have overcome their own adversities to become a multi-marathon runner and I was witness to their accomplishment, why did I think it was beyond my reach?

As I thought about it I thought back to other things I had to work hard for.

I couldn't think of anything.

It's not that I haven't worked hard, but it's usually been to work my way out of a bad situation, not working hard for something, towards a positive goal. I have felt most of my life that life happens to me, good and bad things just seem to fall into my lap without much effort on my part. Of course when the bad situations came (once I realized they were bad) there was a lot of hard work involved to move forward in a positive direction, but I had to do it, to survive.

Running is hard work for the sole goal of thriving.

When you need to survive you have a lot of extra motivation, to move away from pain. Motivation to thrive....sorely lacking when you are moving towards pain.

And in survival it's easier to take it one day at a time, it's easier to say, 'well at least I don't do that anymore.' When you are trying to thrive I think you are a lot harder on yourself, expect more of yourself.

So there it was. I had been avoiding accomplishing this goal of running in a marathon because I was afraid of this new territory of working hard just to discipline my self. Moving towards and into pain in order to accomplish something. Seemed silly when I was perfectly happy not running.

But I felt like I had been missing out on something by avoiding the pain.

And I realized I haven't always made the choice to run from/avoid pain.

Tattoos are a simple example, I felt making my story visible was worth the pain.

And I chose to go back to trying to have children after I had essentially given up because of all the pain. After 6 years of so much heartache and frustration I chose to try again because I believed all the suffering would be worth it. And now in the 8th year I still believe strongly that the pain will be worth it.

Pain was worth it if I believed there was a big pay off in the end.

And I believe that there will be a big pay off to accomplishing this 10 k run next year. The difference is I'm pretty unclear what that pay off will be. I mean obviously there will be the physical health aspect but I have a feeling there is much, much more to this. It's just a feeling I have but it's enough to motivate me to thrive!

I have never liked the saying, but it finally has new meaning for me, no pain no gain.

Wellness Wednesday

Another great week, although blizzard and sinus conditions did conspire to make me cheat....with a chai latte.  A minor cheat but cheat none the less.
I'm still having fun coming up with new healthy dishes though!

And activity this week included shovelling ice chunks off our driveway :/

Hope-Full

My hope has been under attack.

For many years, but especially the last four months.

Steady, constant, overwhelming attack.

At times so strong I’ve almost said, ‘I give up.’

Most days so strong I can’t ask God for anything anymore. 

I realized what an anchor God was for me exactly a year ago today, and again in early October.  Anchor was my word of the year it seems, I kept hearing it everywhere. When I asked God to show me my anchors, and he showed me I was born with 3, and they were natural gifts he gave me strength in since birth, they were faith, love, and ….

Hope.

Satan started out my life by attacking my gift of love. He twisted it and manipulated it into codependency until I was 22.

Then satan started to attack my hope in 2007.  My hope for a future. And I spent the next 3 years trying to strong arm that hope through control by any means necessary.

I realized this year for the first time that the areas we are weakest in are often our gifts under attack. Because our gifts are from God, by His design, for His purpose, for His glory, so of course that is the bull’s-eye mark for satan.

And yet, it took me four months to understand that my hope was actually under attack, not just me, but specifically my hope. It hasn’t been this bad since 2010. And with so many confirmations from God in the last 23 months, more than ever in the entire 8 years we’ve been trying, this is when I should have had SO much hope. 

I’ve had my moments. My balloon moments.  But my hope hasn’t been fully in God. Yes I believe His promises, but it’s much easier to believe in vague promises for the future than it is to hear Him say, for example, ‘January’ and then to lose the baby.  But that kind of hope has been sustained by MY strength, putting bubble wrap around sharp objects so it doesn’t deflate my balloon.  A kind friend pointed out God wants to be my hope and strength. 

That A-Ha moment this morning led me to realize just how persistent satan has been in trying to deflate my hope for the last 120 days.  I knew I hit the nail on the head when immediately after my devotional emailed me this morning, and it was the exact verse I ended my Bible reading with last night.

1 Peter 5:8-10 – “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith…..he (God) will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”

This exact verse was actually read as part of a devotional at a Celebrate Recovery leader’s meeting last September, right before our director started taking steps away from CR, and right before my miscarriage.  I thought it had to do with the former, not the latter.

So, now I know. My hope is under attack. My life long buoyant hope has been grounded in my faith, they are intrinsically tied, attack my hope and my faith will suffer. And it has. It will no longer. But I wonder if that is all there is to it. I wonder if this ever increasing attack on my hope is to get me stop trying for a baby. It worked in 2010. And so I ponder the magnitude of the impact my child may have on God’s kingdom one day if satan is so determined to get me to give up. 

I can hope!

Wellness Wednesday

Another week of wellness, I'm down 8lbs, I'm almost reaching my activity goals, I have not cheated on my water or desserts, but accidentally had chips when my brain didn't connect the dots they are the main ingredient in nachos! Still pretty good for 3 weeks!

Wellness Wednesday

So, week two of eating better, drinking water, upping my vitamins, being more active!  Here's another glimpse at my last week of wellness.
I'm a little too excited about getting old because I was giddy about getting a vitamin daily organizer!

And lastly 2.5 hours walking with some great company, my cousin Pam, at an indoor track.

Wellness Wednesday

Glimpse of first week back on track. Week 1 of eating better.

And week 1 of being more active. 2 workouts on treadmill so far.

My post-workout satisfied face.

In with the New

The last message I heard at Church in 2013 was about realizing all the luxuries we have that others around the world don't and how our speaker gave up his coffee addiction for one year to drink only water and donate his coffee spending to a clean water campaign for third world countries. Combined with the book I'm reading (for the 3rd time) The Me I Want To Be, where I was reminded my signature sin is impulsive indulgence and pain avoidance (usually I like to combine the two and avoid my pain with impulsive snacking), I knew I had to do something similar because I have finally had enough of my ever growing appetite for food entitlement. That same book reminded me, temptation is a growth catalyst, either we give in to the temptation and grow our appetite for that or we can grow in the flow of the Holy Spirit. I have previously refused to admit what giving into food indulgences has resulted in growing in me, besides a multitude of fat cells, and I'm determined to put a stop to it.

Sure I have offered my body as a living sacrifice before, I have been able to say no to bad foods before, in part or temporarily, but it's because there was always room for allowances or it wasn't beyond the stretch of my will power. My stomach has always crawled off that alter eventually. I've always said I want the kind of dietary lifestyle that wasn't too restrictive so that it could be sustainable for the rest of my life. Pfffft. I know now what a joke that is, because the only thing that has sustained is my entitlement to have whatever I want. Not just sustained, but grown.

It's a very humbling experience to go from knowing and doing all the right things, seeing and keeping results, getting a handle on understanding all the emotional and habitual reasons behind my eating, and enjoying being active, to absolutely no desire for exerting energy and stuffing my face with snack food galore. Even though I know it started with January's miscarriage, and September's miscarriage pushed me over the tipping point, I know it was all still my choice, the grief, hormones, and drugs are just an excuse. There were no ifs, ands or buts that I ate out of feeling like I deserved to feel good through food.

But I DO NOT deserve to consume excess food to feed emotions. I don't even deserve all my dietary needs being met. Not only is my indulgence in luxury foods squelching the Holy Spirit's work in my life, but it is squelching my quality of life. And to make it worse, that money I waste on my waist could make a significant impact on the lives of people who don't even have the basics, never mind luxuries.

And so, coincidentally, all this revelation happens in the last few days of 2013, but if this had all culminated in July I would still have resolved to change for the next 365 days. I wanted a length of time that was out of range of my will power alone, was thinking 6 months but the more I thought about it, doing it for an entire calendar year felt right. Specifically my goal is to strip away the most consistently tempting indulgences that are pure excess for all of 2014. That started with drinking only water, it's the most immediate need of our bodies, pure water, and just about anything else we drink is just adding something unnecessary to water. Then I wanted to eliminate the junk that has called out to me the strongest in the last 4 months, chips. Of all the things, I've never been very tempted by chips in my life until September, so I obviously can live without them, and so I will. But I knew there was still one more temptation that I find it very hard to say no too, pretty much all baked desserts; cookies, donuts, cake, etc. I'm allowing myself only pure chocolate and vanilla ice cream for the next year.

I do have a separate plan and tools to also address weight loss, so this is not purely motivated by shedding pounds, and while I expect this to impact my weight a little, that isn't my main motivation. My strongest motivation is that I hope that once and for all I will see food as God intended it. I will be helping that motivation by assigning a cost to how much I'd spend on what I'm forfeiting, adding double the cost of any temptation I purchase anyway, and collecting that money to donate to an organization that will provide clean water or food to third world countries. That should help remind me that I'm not just doing this for my own sake.

So, I hope to post regularly about this, and my weight loss too, but you can also follow my progress through Instagram #14forfeitfoodfreedom and #14foodisfuel.

Aspiration, Not Perspiration

Ok, try as hard as I might, I can't give it up cold turkey. I can't stifle the desire to change for the better and I can't resist the need to document it, in a sequential account....otherwise known as a list. I refuse to call them goals, I call them aspirations (I know, semantics) because that feels more like dreaming than scheming and it feels whimsical not tactical. But the important differentiation to me is that I'm not out to fix myself (those tasks are an every day commitment to live the life God desires for me). Also, my life won't go into chaos trying to achieve these inconsequential aspirations, they are not to challenge myself but rather shift my heart - finding new ways to love myself and others.  So, therefore the following list is in NO WAY a resolution and I just can't help I'm getting all these ideas at New Years!


1. The One Dress Project - I had never heard of this challenge (otherwise known as The October Dress Project - ODP) but a few blogs I read have mentioned this lately and peeked my curiosity.  The basic idea is for one whole month you will build all your outfits around one single dress. You will put this dress on in some way, shape, or form, every time you get dressed. The focus behind this was to reduce consumerism, conformity, excess, vanity, and increase sustainability, contentment, simplicity, imagination. I immediately resonated with the tie in to more of God, less of me, "We must decrease so that HE can increase". So I intend to try this for one month at some point this year, there has been an additional movement inspired by ODP called the 12x12 project, and they have causes to focus on each month, with a piece of clothing they wear for that whole month. I don't plan on linking my month choice to any in particular, and I likely will not choose October - Winterpeg can get just too cold. You'll just have to stay tuned to see when the ODP inspiration hits! Good news is, I think I already have the dress, which I may slightly alter - some OPD-ers buy a special ODP dress that is more versatile, I instead may have to hit the thrift stores to accessorize instead.

2. Sew - Speaking of dress alterations, I don't care what, or how much, or when, but sometime in 2013 I want to buy a sewing machine and have at the pile of clothes I would love to upcycle or even just fix. Maybe it will even be that quilt I've been hoarding fabric for. Whatever it ends up being, I will sew.

3. Blog more - that is one thing I truly regret (in the sense that I feel a loss of) not having blogged more. Same with journalling. I am torn between taking the time to capture moments to cherish and actually living out moments to cherish. I am a very reflective (and forgetful) person, so I will try harder to bring balance to the capturing end of things this year. I find it really does help me feel grateful and appreciative of achievements.  I'm thinking a few more photo challenges or photo-a-day months are in order, possibly even start a photo blog.

4. A blessing a day (keeps the divorce lawyers at bay - lol, just kidding). Again, this one is inspiration I read in my blog-o-sphere and loved this idea of blessing my spouse with small thoughtful gifts. I used to do the 30 Day Honor Hubby Challenge (that frankly left me feeling a little stretched after 3 years), but this idea of just a couple of weeks is doable. I likely won't do it for Christmas, but I'm thinking the week before and after his birthday, which also coincides with Thanksgiving will be the perfect time.

5. Project Minimalization -there are a couple of facets to this idea of becoming a minimalist. First, to purge the clutter, things that have gone unused in a few years clearly have no use.....in their current state. I intend to go through unused items, boxes, rooms even, and free myself from items that I no longer use or cannot find an alternate use for. I have already re-purposed some items from my disassembled craft room to create storage elsewhere, and I hope to continue along this trend so I can also be free of purchasing new stuff I really don't need.


And that's it! See, doable, right? ;)

Stewardship Sunday

As I mentioned my last Stewardship post,  God has been giving me new priorities, that He has for me.  Not that I think my previous stewardship priorities weren't theologically sound or anything :) but as I also mentioned, God is guiding us in a new direction, into a new season and the priorities of this season are just different. 
I am happy with how my focus on stewardship has changed me over the last few years though, moved me away from my natural tendency to control (through LISTS!) and instead the emphasis was on taking inventory of the 'talents' God has blessed me with and how I can honor Him the most with them. I do not intend to stop this practice, it just may look slightly different now, but for now I say goodbye to the Stewardship series and I hope somehow somewhere I have inspired someone with it.

Stewardship of My Finances
1. Reuse/Recycle before New – before Pinterest this one really stretched my imagination but I have been able to pull off a few reuse/recycle ideas and have several more stored for future use. While I try and balance this temptation to save stuff for reuse with my increasingly minimalistic paradigm, I think I'm doing fairly well at both. I have bought the majority of new clothes this year at a thrift store and plan to continue to do so. The sewing machine is getting closer, I'm hoping for early new year.
2. Pay off ALL debt and invest smarter – as I mentioned, all debt is paid off other than the vehicle and house, and we have an aggressive plan to pay off the vehicle in 2 years instead of the 4 more years on our loan.
3. Give more tithe than we already give – we were able to give our large donation to our Church's building fund, it's not like we're going to get a 'wing' named after us but we feel very good about our obedience in this area because I'm very much the 'save for the future' kind of paranoid and knowing what that amount could equal at retirement time, I thought it would be harder to part with.

Being the 'I budget for fun' person that I am, this is an area constantly re-examined, especially once Sean went back to school, and again last month, thanks to a radically new and different lifestyle called 'living on support'! As I've mentioned, Sean is in the midst of raising support for the offered position of HR Manager at Youth For Christ Winnipeg.  We have been preparing for this since Sean first got an interview in August when we found out the salary was 100% support, and we've been willing to make the sacrifice because we know God wants Sean there, but we have also been encouraged by Sean's pastor/mentor who has lived on support/tithe most of his life, and he told us to remember, when God wants something to happen, He moves in the hearts of those who need to give, and almost always people give what is needed. We are full of faith that God will give us enough and we will be the best stewards of what He blesses us with.

Stewardship of My Home
4. Cleaning – I have to face the facts on this one. This is not the season in my life for a home that looks guest worthy at any moment. I don't know if it ever will be actually. I have told several friends over the last while that they better not take the time and effort (that I know they don't have) to 'fix' up their home for a visit, and when I visit, their home looks lived in, not 'clean', and I barely notice! I have made progress in minimalism, which helps because there is less to clean, and I think I'm just going to be fine with a healthy kind of tidy for now.
5. Establish a Meal Plan – So, having been through my approx. 100 recipe plan once all the way through, I have paired it down significantly, finding the favorites and the easier meals to make my kitchen more of a food factory than experimental laboratory.  I realized during my summer break from my meal plan that baking/grilling a whole bunch of chicken breasts and freezing them worked for a LOT of my recipes so that is a new staple in my freezer! I think I've successfully given myself what I originally wanted, a wide variety of favorite recipes that about 80% of them can be made in less than half an hour (not including once-a-month prep/pre-cook) for the season of very busy evenings we have.
6. Make food from scratch – this goal was one that was building towards a home that provided my future kids with healthy food to eat, bringing back family traditions of food preparation, and starting a new habit of respecting the earth. I'm still building, I have cut out SO much processed food, some replaced by 'from scratch' but more often I found it unnecessary to replace them at all. I still look forward to days at home with my kids, teaching them (and myself!) the fine art of baking buns or canning beets, like I wish I had learned from my grandma.
7. House Improvements – other than making sure our home stays safe and 'in a state of repair' :) this isn't even close to being a top priority any more. Funny how hubby's list disappears when he's preoccupied with school and soon a job he will love!

Going forward I want a balance in my home between healthy and quality time with loved ones, which ever balance achieves both of those best will win out!

Stewardship of My Body
8. Exercise. period. – This is one of those priorities that's been an experimentation, with our schedules in the evening changing a lot since September (school, 3 different small groups, CR Fridays). I am improving at doing it even though I don't feel like it, but now my available time is shrinking. My goal is to find 20 min. every day and just do it, my own 20 mile march. Now my priority is to drill this into my head, and look for the first opportunity in the day, not the last!
9. Drop to 175 and maintain – the goal weight I’ve had for myself is still 18 lbs away.  I already talked about the activity side, but God has really been working on my control of weight through the knowledge of healthy choices I've built up and showing me it's not about the knowledge, it's about turning to food rather than God. While to a degree my goal weight is based on how I felt at that weight (including felt about my appearance), but now I want to make this about obedience not an amount. If I don't feel good about my food or activity choices, or why I'm making them, the number doesn't matter at all, it's the heart I need to work on with God, not the body.
10. Run/Jog the Father’s Day 10 K – I have to be honest about this one, this one was not really about stewardship of my body. I wanted to use it to learn discipline over my body. I wanted to do it to prove somebody wrong. I admit running is growing on me, it may become part of future self-discipline but not sure if I'll have an end goal other than self-discipline.
11. Quit an unhealthy habit – if I want to quit an unhealthy habit, I already had quite a few to choose from in this list, quit eating poorly, quit avoiding exercise, quit avoiding cleaning your house....lol, I'm going to keep it simple and succeed at quitting other things I'm already working on before adding new things to this list!

My new goal for my body is to discipline (from the same root as disciple by the way) myself so that food and inactivity are no longer the masters of my body, my body will be obedient to God. This body was developed over 30 years, only the last 5 have been working at rebuilding it, I have to work at this from the perspective of undoing the faulty foundations first before I can work on the supporting structures!

Stewardship of My Earth
12. Continue composting and gardening – this one was strongly connected to my 'from scratch' goal, but this one has required much more effort, time, and supplies I am running very low on these days. I've realized I jumped into it head first rather than dipped my toes in and progressed at an achievable pace. From now on I am going to perfect one plant at a time, and only compost if I manage to buy one of those self-containing units. 

13. Eating local – like my last point, this is going to be a slow and steady integration, I'm going to find one local food to stay loyal to until I've got it as a habit I don't even have to think about, and then I'll move on to the next food. Eventually it will build into a significantly local diet for us.
14. Acts of Green – just holding the ground I've already covered.

This one is a little like my body goals, I am learning to make different choices than I have made the first 30 years of my life, I have to relearn certain habits and realize there is a better way. But a better way doesn't mean an easier way, so I'm going to have to work at this one in baby steps.
 
Stewardship of My Talents/Purpose
15. Blog/Journal- While there has been a recent slowdown in this, overall my journalling is still more frequent at the end of the year than it was at the beginning. I am excited to discover what God wants me to learn/relearn about my body/health through recovery journalling, and I am working at journalling conversations with God as part of my 'God time'. Blogging however has suffered since fall, partly because I would often take my lunch time to blog, but even that free time has been shrinking. It's also because some of my insights or blog-worthy experiences are a little too personal for the WWW. I hope to find a way to gain momentum back here again soon.
16. Capture memories in books – my wedding album is on track to be finished before our 10th anniversary in March! Amazing! I have continued to work on digital scrapbooking in small doses as the time allows.
17. Continue developing my creative tendencies - nothing new has developed here since my painting earlier in the year, and other than my growing passion for modifying clothes with my future sewing machine. I have one painting left promised, just waiting for a selected subject.
18. Celebrate Recovery – this is now a husband and wife team effort, we are both leaders on the core team and it has renewed my passion for the ministry, I see a place for it in my life more long term now and I see how it will continue to evolve to in our lives, changing as our lives change. I see more and more growth in our consistent participants, it's amazing to see God's transforming power in person. I see potential for so many people I know to have a place there were they can help others. It's truly an inspiring and humbling place to be.

This is an ever evolving category, having been blessed with more gifts than I feel I'm capable of using, God keeps stretching me and using what He gave me in new ways. It's exciting and scary and sometimes overwhelming, and I feel like a lot of it is for the moment to bless people (and me in the process). I can wish I had more time for what I prefer, but really when I weigh the blessings I feel have been heaped on me since I allow my gifts to be guided by God, it's no contest. So that is what I will continue to do.

Stewardship of My Communities
19. Marriage community – In the last 6 months I can't believe how I've fallen in love all over again with my husband. Not because of some book we read (although I've tried that too), not because of that intentional face-to-face or shoulder-to-shoulder quality time we learned about earlier in the year (but coincidentally, these have improved as well), not because of anything we've done on purpose to grow closer. Some of it is a happy byproduct of a happier husband, a few key shifts in where we've aimed our future, but I'd say 80% of it is serving side by side each other for quite a few hours every week. It has given us so much to bond over, pray together over, invest in together, uplift each other in, get ambitious with together, etc.
20. Winnipeg Community – Volunteering at a program like CR I feel is having impact outside our Church walls, into not only the neighborhood, but city and province too. Donating blood is something I hope to continue more of as well.
21. Friend/Family/Neighbour Community – We volunteered at a block party for our neighborhood, hosted by our Church, which was such a blessing to see, witnessing parents be able to enjoy their kids enjoying all the free activities, a lot of things they may never have been able to afford to give them on their own.
22. Aunty Community – surprisingly I was able to spend more time with my nephews from Altona than my neices and nephew in Steinbach this year, but mostly in Winnipeg due to my sister's effort. I did get 2 visits at work when Jodi once brought Avery and once brought Landon though. I hope to carve in some intentional time, 2 times a year per family next year.
23. Friend Community - we have had no shortage of chances to hang out with friends, I can hardly recall a week that has gone by without the chance to spend quality time with one dear friend or another, some of it has been overlapping small groups stuff, technically part of our Church community, but our best friends are from Church so that's just the way it happens!
24. Church Community – my intention was to host and get to know more people at Church through hosting, but hosting hasn't been necessary for this to community to explode in our lives. I did however get to host 3 events in our home, exceeding my goal.
25. Small Group Community – we finally started our small group at the beginning of November and even after the first night we knew we were a community that would become a family, we were all in and eager to dive in deeper together. This has been proven absolutely true over the last 2 months, God brought this group together for a reason.

This year taught me a lot about cherishing the people in your life now while you have them. Nothing is as important as investing in the life-giving communities in your life, those that are like extended family, who you are really sharing life with. Find more reasons to be with them.  Be life-giving in return. 

Stewardship of My Growth
26. Continue to step out of my comfort zone – I'm finding I don't really say 'that's not me', it's more like, "it needs to be done? ok, I'll try!" My comfort zone has been expanded though!
27. Media fast Tuesday evenings – This has been actually quite easy to do most nights of the week, because we are too busy or t.v. has become a quiet hubby & me time, so I don't watch much without him. My desire was really to say God time is more important than my media 'addiction' but there isn't much of a media addiction to speak of anymore. However, now it's a lot of God related activities that I have put ahead of my God time, and I just heard recently, don't even let Bible reading get more important than God time. So I'll speak to that in a few points.
28. Read at least 6 books, at least 4 non-fiction – I read 5 books, all non-fiction. I picked up but never finished one fiction book. I think I put more effort into reading books about God than actually spending in His Word or with Him. This is leading me to a new challenge for my spiritual growth.
29. Bible Reading and Prayer – In more frequent amounts I have been reading scripture and praying, thanks to a lot of intentionality on my part. I have started reading the Bible with highlighters on hand so I can colour code what stands out to me as to why, and while it makes for slower Bible reading that's really what I wanted, more comprehension. Now I am trying to be more intentional about my actual God time, the time I spend talking to Him, not just interceeding for others, and the time I spend listening to what He's trying to tell me. I am blessed that I feel like my 'tuner' is finally on His station, and I can pick up on His voice even when I'm not intentionally listening, but it is the intentional times I want to increase with Him. I want to build a deeper relationship with Him.

I am amazed at where God has grown me and how much He has grown me this year, placing just the right people and information in my life at the right moments to propel me forward. I wish I knew what I did to open this floodgate into my life, but I will do whatever I can for more of Him and less of me.

Stewardship of Living My Life
30. Take a short road trip within Manitoba – I've taken 2 road trips down south since the beginning of June, a birthday party in Altona for my nephew who turned 2, and then as I mentioned down to Winkler for the birth of his little brother.
31. Go to some kind of art showing – while still of interest to me, I have found other ways more definitive of 'living my life'.
32. Pamper myself – I think I've had sufficient 'me' time in my schedule, and just having the time is pampering, although I did get a mani-pedi and 'real salon' hair appointment in there too.
33. Relax – Thanks to hubby, I'm much better in tune with when relaxing is needed, and I act on it much quicker for my and our sakes. I now realize I want this time to be separate from my quiet time with God, because while sometimes relaxing does mean needing quiet - away from noise and hustle and bustle, it isn't always. And God deserves time for Him that isn't shared with time for my own recuperation.

'Living my life' was an intentional item I wanted to build stewardship over because I used to let lists dictate my life.  I have grown so much in this area and even though I still have a bunch of lists, they are what I can do when the time or inclination is right, or for reference, but they are not the same as my schedule and I don't have to put a lot of effort into making sure I'm actually living my life rather than doing it. 

Wellness Wednesday

I've been sensing for awhile now that this was going to be a year where I may find significant triumph (and hard work) in my health. In every situation where I am learning/growing I hear the messages relate to food and health!

At times it's seemed conflicting, at first I sensed God telling me I can't control it with my knowledge and willpower, that my schedule and being strict with food is interfering with other priorities He's given me. Ok, so I stop scheduling my health, I just tried to make good choices. Then at other times He's telling me it's still a priority and He's not going to drop the subject until every food/health/exercise related choice is a God-approved choice. Well, I guess those messages don't really conflict, but it's hard to figure which priorities go where when the priorities conflict! Anyway, I've been feeling this way since about April. Waiting for Him to tell me more because I was clearly stuck.

Then at the Summit it happened, a break through. Rick Warren talked about doing things on our own effort. His analogy is that we're driving in a boat Eastward, auto-pilot on, but we want to head West. What all of humanity typically does is just crank that steering wheel with all their might, and use all their power to keep that wheel heading West, fighting that internal auto-pilot which is determined to turn that boat back East. We need to find out what our auto-pilot is and turn it off (turn it over to God). Easier said than done, but I knew that is exactly what I've been doing my whole life with my health, fighting the auto-pilot. To figure out what that auto-pilot is he suggested recognizing or asking yourself, "it is so like me to _______". Out of 10 times we do that we are likely to find a pattern. Guess what mine was....hmmm, food??  I reward myself with food, I punish myself with food, I medicate myself with food, I celebrate with food, I pacify myself with food, I entertain myself with food. Yuck. What an awful realization.

As it was a recovery ministry summit, of course I was learning about recovery, and since I'm technically new to recovery as a program I never officially did an inventory (Step 4) of my life and they suggested if you haven't done it through CR that you should go through it the official CR way for more integrity and credibility for the people you are leading through it. I've been meaning to, especially now that my small group is at that point, but I definitely realized I need to work through it to find out where that food auto-pilot originated and sort out the roots so I can finally get rid of them!

Then, on the last day we did an exercise I've done before, nailing a sin to a cross, a symbolic gesture, but this time it wasn't just for forgiveness it was to finally and fully turn something over to Christ (Step 3). Before they invited us up they reminded us of some of the Step 1 and 2 areas that can hinder us from Step 3, one of those verses was Romans 12:1 "give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship Him." Although in my mind I know my body is not my own, it's a gift, it is something I am responsible for, to be a good steward over, it is His temple, I still have resisted sacrificing it.

I still insisted the stewardship would be on my terms, I would decide what was sacrificed and what was not. I convinced myself I was doing what would be acceptable to Him. I even hashed out what it meant to make my body a temple for Him. Clearly the back and forth weight and motivation over the years proves how good a steward I have truly been. Not. I talk a great talk (discipline not deprivation, don't undermine your determination), I have 66 posts on health over 5 years, but in the end I was only willing to sacrifice physically, not spiritually. I physically disciplined myself but not spiritually.

But that's it. I'm done with my terms. I am finally out of denial and I realize I am utterly powerless. I nailed this to the cross Friday August 10, 2012.

I know this doesn't mean I have this thing beat. This means I'll actually be more prone to failure for awhile, during this shift in my thinking. I know it's going to be a struggle to turn my auto-pilot off and keep it off. To replace mindless eating habits with mindful eating habits. It's interesting how I've increased in inviting God into every area of my day, being in tuned (my increase in intuition) to where He may be guiding me, yet I feel like there is a disconnect at my meal times, that this just seems to stop happening during that time. Highly doubtful that's a coincidence, that I get God-blocked when I'm most susceptible to falling for temptation. 

It's great having intuition for opportunities to become 'Jesus in the flesh', but I also need sin-tuition to recognize when I am about to choose to give in to MY flesh. I'm hoping returning to saying a grace of gratitude before each meal (during preparation even) will help correct that, being thankful for the fuel and inviting God to spend my meal with me, I hope to become keenly aware of which are the God approved choices in my kitchen. At the Summit, one of the speakers spoke about temptation and how it isn't only a negative choice (sin) we are facing, if we choose to not fall to temptation and make the positive choice we are choosing spiritual growth. I'm choosing spiritual growth not continued body growth!

Sunday Stewardship Update

Well, it's been over 2 months since I've looked at this list so I'm hoping I'm still on track :)  God has been 'helping' me realize the priorities He has for me, I haven't been too off base and a lot of what I've desired to be a good steward over in my life is good, just not top priorities for me at this point in my life.  I think it was about 2.5 years ago I started to feel 'the winds of change' in my life blowing, it was just a breeze but I was right, and I think I'm feeling that breeze again.  Only God knows for sure where He is leading me but I am very happy where He brought me then and I'm looking forward to where He's leading me now!
But for now, while I'm still figuring things out, I'm not completely abandoning these stewardships, but my progress may just be 'on hold' :)

Stewardship of My Finances
1. Before buying anything new first consider reusing/recycling – I've been trying to do this with clothes but haven't really been doing a lot of buying period.  The sewing machine is on hold because sewing is on hold :) I do have a long 'one day' list of items I want to re-purpose or re-upholster that I am certain I'll get that sewing machine one day.  Just not this year.
2. Pay off ALL debt and invest smarter – paid off the last loan we have other than vehicle and mortgage. Now most of that payment is going to pay off our Journey faster. I also moved my failing RRSPs (which was all of them) into company shares, which even in the worst have times have shown an increase, starting this month.
3. Give more tithe than we already give – we have the cash value pay out sitting in savings until December when we'll hand it over to our Church building fund.

Stewardship of My Home
4. Better scheduling of Fly Lady cleaning tactics – even with my re-arranging of these tactics I find it hard to fit these in.  I try to do as much tidying as I can on Mondays, and have concentrated effort not to let the areas that don't get tidy-ed get any worse so that in a pinch they are easy to clean up or hide. It's just not the season for having this as a priority. I already have to squeeze in bigger priorities, like my health!
5. Establish a Meal Plan – I am almost at the end of my planned meals but I'm thinking of taking a short break over the summer months and doing a mini-summer meal plan version.  Some of my planned meals still have a fair bit of prep, mostly because I've never made them before, and some of them I 'scheduled' not thinking it would be 31 degrees the days I had planned to turn on the oven. So, I want to make a summer plan to make only the easiest meals with as little use of heat possible. I'm hoping to do that this weekend...we'll see!
6. Make as much food from scratch as possible – well, I think this is one of those goals that, while admirable and a great lifestyle change, I won't be learning any new 'scratch' techniques on purpose for the rest of this year.  That means, no homemade bread in the foreseeable future. I will continue to use any 'scratch' techniques I have already learned...no reverting!
7. House Improvements – the shingles have been replaced and Sean's on to talking about the next thing he wants done, electrical and our sidewalks.  I'm hoping we have enough money for that next year as well as a trip, since we haven't GONE on vacation for 3 years already, by next year it will be 4 years.

Stewardship of My Body
8. Wake up at 6 am for strength training – This is one of those priorities I've been fiddling with to try and find the best way to fit it into my life so that it sticks.  Work got crazy busy so fitting it in at lunch wasn't happening, I was getting no time for lunch. And during making dinner I've been trying to use that time to keep my kitchen clean. So back to waking up early, but now it's at 6:20 for Pilates only for 20 minutes.  I've managed 2-3 times per week to accomplish this so I'm happy with this new schedule. Other than being tired for a myriad of reasons, but I'm determined not to let that be an excuse, and discipline myself to do this anyway.
9. Lose 8 lbs and maintain that weight – the goal weight I’ve had for myself is back to 18 lbs away! I haven't been able to shed the 10lbs I gained back in April. My food choices really haven't changed other than I've been allowing sugar and snacks after supper. Even with my pre-planned meals, the side dishes are 50% unplanned so I've been sorely lacking on the veggies as well, partly because of lack of time and partly because I'm tired and can't seem to summon the desire to stand in the kitchen a little longer to add veggies to the meal.  I'm going to have to look up some ways to pre-plan veggies and make ahead like I do my main dish. As much as I'd love to be as intentional about this as I was back in November, again I just don't have the time.  I find it interesting my weight gain coincided with 2 things, one of them being an increase in my busyness by adding a small group. The other was something I'm not quite ready to share yet, but wasn't a physical change, rather an emotional and spiritual change. I've been hearing from God that all my health knowledge and implementations are just my way of controlling my health rather than being healthy. To a point I feel I need to know this stuff so it can assist me in making healthy choices, but it's not about the knowledge, it's about turning to food rather than God. This is another one of those areas that He's shown me it's not so important to work hard at this every day but to work hard at turning over my weakness to Him in those moments when making an easy healthy choice feels hard instead. He's helping me make peace that my body may never change on this course, but this is the course He wants me on right now. He just wants me to be healthy, not have a bikini worthy body, even if that means I have to live with this flabby stomach forever because He's got more important priorities for my life.
I'll talk about the running in the next point.10. Run/Jog the Father’s Day 10 K – Well this goal went off the beaten track early, as it was rooted in running with Tami who I knew was pregnant when I made this goal, and I guess I thought I could find another partner but life got in the way. So this did not happen, and I've found someone willing to do this with me next year, but I'm encouraging both of us to just see what happens because while we both have this as a goal, it is not a priority goal in our life, we both have a few other things that trump it. 
In the mean time the Couch to 5K app has helped a bit, a well as Googling some tips on getting faster, I am slowly getting faster but I've dropped down to one day a week with busyness going on.  I've easily fit it in once per week, but I while I want to be more intentional and disciplined about adding a 2nd run in each week, it will have depend on the other priorities in my life on a week to week basis. Again, trying to turn to God when I come up with excuses not to run and see if He deems them legitimate or not.
11. Quit an unhealthy habit – For over a month now I've found myself not getting quality sleep. I don't know if it's because I've been lax on the sugar, I know partly it's because my allergies are at their worst and I'm congested and likely not getting a lot of oxygen at night. Long story short, I've been drinking coffee every day for about a month. That's where a big source of my sugar has come from, since I've already admitted I can't drink it anyway. Caffeinated tea does nothing for my alertness, the only other thing that helps is a sugar boost, either way, it's added sugar. So now, it really is a habit, and when I have a moment (hahaha) I'm going to have to find a way to nip this in the bud.

Stewardship of My Earth
12. Continue composting and gardening – hahahahaha, that's me laughing at my last post 'I feel like my garden this year will be much more promising.' Well, that isn't happening after all either. Between busy weekends and weather that seems to only cooperate when I'm busy, I'm going to have a few carrots, maybe potatoes, the peas are piddly, my spices had to be replanted and died, my Farmer's Market visit was postponed too long so no tomatoes or peppers, only my oregano is going strong...of course!  And as for composting, not being able to keep up with the weed pulling, it turns out my compost started growing as if seeded, so without regular maintenance a compost dirt pile is not a good idea.  I really do need to get one of those self-containing units to keep this up. Valiant effort Lori, but once again, I'm having to say 'on hold' to the gardening life this year.

13. Eating local – I'm still figuring out local lamb, the local beef is still in the meal plan although the taste difference takes some getting used to in the steak cuts, I may just get roasts and ground beef in the future. I forgot to stay informed on the local chickens through my friend and missed that boat but that's ok, I think I like roasting turkey better for taste and size. Need to find some grass-fed turkeys instead :)
14. Acts of Green – nothing new here, or it's on hold.

Stewardship of My Talents/Purpose
15. Blog/Journal- I think I've been keeping up with this one fairly well, I've been journaling a little more, part self-evaluation we've been learning about in recovery, partly to document the more personal things that I don't want to share on the internet :) Of course there are the "I wish I had more time for" moments because my creative journal has sat untouched for awhile but...you know how that story goes already.
16. Capture memories in scrapbooks and photobooks – as previously mentioned, working on finishing the wedding scrapbook finally.  I think I'll set aside time specifically for that after summer, once I'm tempted back to the couch again and I can work on it at the coffee table.
17. Continue developing my creative tendencies - as I've blogged about extensively already, the collage paintings are addicting. I've finished another one I'm waiting to give away shortly, another one to be finished in a few weeks and another one that is yet to be started but doesn't have a deadline.
18. Continue my work at Celebrate Recovery – I'm still enjoying my time at CR, we're still figuring things out, shuffling things (and me) around to accommodate the needs at this point.  We're going to a CR conference in California at the beginning of August, really looking forward to that and finding better ways to do things.  This is probably one of the biggest priorities God has shown me in my life, but I think He's also told me it's only going to be this big of a priority for a time. He's showing me other things He's created me for as well, and only He knows the timing. For now, I'm doing my best to do my part to help CR flourish and become what we envision it could be.

Stewardship of My Communities
19. Marriage community – this is about the same as last time, still going well. Sean and I are really enjoying our drives to talk and on the long weekend we were still so deep in conversation after our drive we sat out in the back yard and talked until almost 3 in the morning! I love those talks!
20. Winnipeg Community – I finally donated blood! It went awesome :) I can actually go again already, which I will try soon.
21. Friend/Family/Neighbour Community – at LOVE Winnipeg we handed out water bottles to those who were working hard to clean up the trash out of Elmwood in the heat.
22. Aunty Community – haven't done any babysitting this year yet but I will be going to spend a day with my sister and her newborn son this coming Tuesday, yay!!! Then a quick visit with my other sister and her 3 kidlings for the afternoon.
23. Friend Community - well, we haven't hosted or been the one organizing a friend get-together in awhile, but there have been so many get-togethers already we just haven't been able to squeeze in any more! We are in no shortage of being able to spend time with our awesome friends, and there are quite a few more opportunities competing for time in July and August!
24. Church Community – we've had 1 out of 2 hosted events at our house with 2 couples from Church, thinking another one in fall will be nice.
25. Small Group Community – we're still waiting to figure out more details on the small group we will potentially be joining in fall.

Stewardship of My Growth
26. Continue to step out of my comfort zone – avoid labelling ‘that’s not me’and just try things first!
27. Media fast Tuesday evenings – I have been back on track with this for almost a month ever since I've made it non-negotiable for exercise and reading my Bible time. The only exception I made was to drive out to Winkler last Tuesday when my nephew was born, if there was ever an exception that is IT!
28. Read at least 6 books, at least 4 non-fiction – I have now made another part of my routine to read from 10-10:30 Mon.-Thu, so that I get to bed at a decent hour and finally can start plugging away at my books!  I have in the last 3 months finished The Case for the Real Jesus, The Me I Want to Be, Sun Stand Still, and I am now starting Chasing Daylight, all non-fiction.  I also have 2 other non-fictions on the go, that I read when I just have some downtime I want to fill, one about poetry as a healing tool and the other about the end times.
29. Bible Reading and Prayer – My Bible reading has been improving now that I have dedicated Tuesdays to 30-45 min of reading in a row, uninterrupted because I go out in the sunny backyard :) Funny how the sun will come out every Tuesday for that but not for the days I'm free to spend in my garden. Of course, this is more important.  I'm also still trying to find ways to consistently increase my prayer time, and I think having a variety of 'motivators' I'll call them for lack of a better word, because I have a mish-mash of ways that remind me at different moments in different circumstances, like a prayer journal that sometimes reminds me at night because it's next to my book.  Or a prayer bracelet, different colour for each day and each day is for a particular group of people....I just need to fix it because it broke. And although I have lacked in intentional listening to God, He has really been speaking into my life unexpectedly and I am feeling I am hearing Him quite often in the form of intuition. I have never been good at intuition, I've read so many people wrong, or been clueless in some circumstances where everyone else seems to get it. It's been a real blessing and I look forward to God using this much more in my life.

Stewardship of Living My Life
30. Take a short road trip within Manitoba – I've taken 2 road trips down south since the beginning of June, a birthday party in Altona for my nephew who turned 2, and then as I mentioned down to Winkler for the birth of his little brother.
31. Go to some kind of art showing – maybe next year WAG.
32. Pamper myself – I had a lovely soak in the tub on July 2nd while I had the statutory holiday to myself.  Although, not thinking, I ran my bath hot like usual, forgetting the extremely hot and muggy weather outside and just about sweated myself OUT of the tub. Hopefully there is a pedicure in my future, a birthday month tradition.
33. Relax – I have been getting much better at recognizing when I am doing too much, and I promptly take an evening, or afternoon on weekends, off from all my lists and goals. I felt that way on July long and so my Monday to myself was all relax, no agenda. It was very nice and recharged the batteries to start full tilt all over again :) 
I am still strongly desiring to get to the point this isn't done out of need so much as back to my original intent of quieting myself so I can rest in God and hear Him.  I'm making progress but the point I want to get to is almost a complete re-wiring in me, I'm just not hardwired that way and so it will be a long work in progress.  I read in The Me I Want to Be that we all have different ways to connect to God, and not all of us are wired to do it the meditative way, which isn't to say we shouldn't try, but find ways we know connecting to God works for us to keep the relationship strong. I felt strongly like I was doing much better than I thought after reading that book, and although I still want to grow in my meditation and stillness, it's something I've recognized is going to be one of those life long disciplines because it doesn't come natural to me.

A Different Kind of Lent

This year I was challenged by my cousin Pam to try a different kind of Lent, the kind of lent where I give up 'stuff'.  Coming from a dual pack-rat heritage (mom - saves the kind of things 'you might need one day', dad - saves everything 'collectable'), I have been trying to become more and more minimalist over the last 5 years or so but I still feel like there is still way too much 'stuff' around my house I don't need or even really want, I've compulsively kept it and then wonder WHY?!

So here is the challenge I am taking up for Lent, which starts today!

First I plan to find four boxes (about banker box size) and label them "DONATE", "TRASH", "REGIFT/RECYCLE", and "SELL", which I think will make sorting much easier than in bags, and then once the boxes are full I will bag them and deal with them accordingly. I'd already kindof started because I'm really excited for this chance to purge!!  I think I'll use one of the Fly Lady tactics of "Love it or Leave it". If I don't love it then it needs to be gone. 

Now, getting rid of it on the other hand is a different question, the stuff I know someone else might love is particularily tricky.  Some things you just can't donate to Value Village or MCC, like my craft supplies.  Do you give them movies/video games? Electronic wires?  These are the things I'm already knowing I need to clean out but what to do with them?!

Watch out for some pics, and maybe even an online garage sale for my "SELL" stack ;)

Stewardship Saturday

So here is a recap of my 2011 Stewardship Steps and how I've grown through the year, for more details you can search my label "Stewardship".  I am much preferring this to type of 'to do' list, not because I was able to accomplish so much more of my list, but most of the items I was doing without even monitoring it against my list, it truly is a reflection of my heart and what I want my life to look like!

Stewardship of My Finances
1. Before buying anything new first consider reusing/recycling -this is something I still have to work on better, but not being able to find a suitable used item to buy did sway me from buying some things altogether, realizing we could live without them. Part of the Financial Peace course talked about where to find bargains, I think if I have enough time in 2012 I'm going to do more garage sale/consignment store shopping!
2. Smarter money management - with the Financial Peace course I was able to pay off $2500 in debt and save $500 in just 2 months, as well as on track to pay off another $3000 by Spring, and to pay off our vehicle 1.5 years early.
3. Give more tithe than we already give - already have a plan (again, thanks to Financial Peace course :) to move money from an area that shouldn't have been used as an investment, upon cancelling that we'll be using the cash value we built up towards our Church's building fund.
4. Cap my Stampin’ Up! expenses to 50% of 2010 expenditures- not only did I just about stop all expenses altoghether, but I went out of business and sold off about 66% of my inventory for a decent amount....which helped pay off debt.

Stewardship of My Home
5. Schedule a small Fly Lady tactic every day, to maintain a tidy & welcoming home without a LOT of effort - as I've mentioned, I'm not quite on par with the 'per day', but my whole home has been in a state of easy maintenance for most of the year, especially with short notice guests, it takes hardly any effort to make our home more welcoming and tidy.
6. Establish a list of at least 60 staple recipes and rotate in a 12 month menu - My meal plans ended up being 90 in number, which I organized by meat/flavor and rotated per week, then OAMC/d most of the meat after a Costco shop. This plan has kept me right on track, I blogged them all with the title "What's on the Table Tuesday".  It's been a life saver and will be doing it again next year!
7. Make as much food from scratch as possible to avoid unnecessary preservatives & packaging & cost - I have made the following from scratch this year:
~roasted red peppers    ~almond butter      ~homemade broth   ~oregano infused olive oil & vodka
~tomato sauce with stewed veggies and spices   ~dry soup mixes (no chemical or preservatives)
~roasted turkey for OAMC as well as lunch meat, instead of deli meat   ~homemade granola
~naturally flavored my plain yogurt   ~flavor infused rice in my rice cooker
~homemade dressings with veggies blended with mayo (bought with no unpronouncable ingredients)
~homemade tomato soup  ~homemade turkey stew   ~homemade fries in my Actifry
8. Improve yard, by installing brick patio, add BBQ pit & replace broken sidewalk - due to our finance goals changing, and a few unplanned for expenditures, this will be on hold for awhile, but still want to use discarded sand bags from the city to lay brick over, and will still utilize the annual summer deal we get an inside scoop on.
9. Finish improvements to upstairs bathroom - all finished as per this post.

Stewardship of My Body
10. Create a list of weekly weight loss motivators/challenges to last through year - although I stopped following the list after a few months I have in other ways built up some of these as habits and that was what I wanted to do, was create more awareness of my actions and develop good habits. I work out on the treadmill twice a week unless I walk significant amounts outside the house.  I wake up at 6 am to do weights or pilates at least 2 times per week, aim for 4 times per week. I snack way less and more healthy when I do, drink more water and less sugary drinks, eat in moderation and no longer eat based on how much I've worked out. I eat more clean foods (partly 'less processed', partly based on the Maker's Diet).
11. Lose 20lbs and maintain that weight - I have lost 12 lbs and with my new 'whole health' perspective I am confident I can shed the rest of the weight.
12. Try a Zumba class to make being active enjoyable again - I did not have a chance to try this after all, but with running becoming more enjoyable again I'm not too worried.  A friend of mine is hoping to get trained as a Zumba instructor and so I look forward to still trying this one day, and as her student would be even better!
13. Create/maintain a better daily health routine - I have to love my body and not just my image, my body is also affected by how I treat my skin, my teeth, taking my vitamins, etc. I have remarkedly improved in this area and actually have reduced the amount of nose bleeds I normally get due to taking allery medication and nasal flushing habits. My hip hasn't been a problem all year, probably due to increased activity and vitamins.

Stewardship of My Earth
14. Assist composting with more room in yard & kitchen caddy - we removed a bush to make room for a large compost area and I recycled plastic containers to make my own kitchen caddy.
15. Grow my own vegetables, fruit, herbs or purchase from Farmer’s Market - my experiment with container gardening wasn't as successful as I'd hoped, my carrots and peas were tiny and my peppers never came in at all, but I got a bush of oregano I have to end up giving most of it away!  I did learn from it though and hope to make modifications to make it more successful next year.  And I did hit the farmers market a few times, which was mostly good, although worms in the broccoli was not something I was a fan of.  Having a 1000 ml container of honey for $5 I do like!
16. Have a 100 mile meal once a month - I wasn't nearly as diligent as I'd hoped I would be with this, meat is the hardest to be intentional about so I hope realizing that I can do better than 4 meals per year next year.
17. Use organic/natural herbicides & pesticides - with container gardening I didn't have to use pesticides and I did find an organic herbicide but due to the frequent rainy weather I ended up manually pulling all our weeds this year.  That's a natural weed killer :)
18. Find 3 more ‘One Million Acts of Green’ I can try - it was hard to find 3 because most of what' left on the list is pretty major. I wanted to try conserving more water (which I learned about during my Justice Journey), turning off/unplugging my computer - and as many other appliances as I can remember - daily, and drying my clothes instead of using the dryer. I did somewhat well with the appliances, water conservation I could do better in some areas but I've really tried to multi-use cleaning water and we also got a free kit from the City of Winnipeg to attach to our shower heads to reduce water.  I dried a few pieces of clothes on our inside clothes line but didn't even get one whole load on the outside line for drying.  I blamed the moist weather we seemed to get every other day in the summer, but I'm sure I could have found a way. Another one to try next year.

Stewardship of My Talents/Purpose
19. Blog truth insights I receive - these are fewer and farther between than they used to be, but I believe I'm sharing a different kind of insight now...when I get a chance to blog. My time and my insights have mostly been shared now with my Recovery group every Friday night.
20. Start focusing on developing my other creative tendancies other than papercrafts  - things I've created in the last year:
~ frames for my bathroom     ~ bracelet for myself    ~ started sewing a purse from old tank tops
~ started saving old clothes for pieces of a quilt I'm going to sew  ~ wrote a poem
~ created our 2011 Christmas photo card
21. Capture memories in scrapbooks and photobooks, finishing at least one of each - I couldn't finish my wedding scrapbook because the type of pages used by that album are extinct! I might have to try ebay. But I did finish a dating 'scrapbook' that I did through blurb books, it has the ease of creating a photo book but I could use digital scrapbooking pretties to make it look at some points like a scrapbook.
22. Continue at least one entry per journal per month - I only did this about every other month, but it's something I still want to strive at.
Stewardship of My Communities
23. Set aside at least 2 hrs per week for quality time with Sean, not including date nights - this may have been a bit ambitious in hindsight, maybe a total of 6 hours per month is more reasonable. We did however spend a lot of time serving next to each other, which was definitely quality time :)
24. Donate blood at least once - due to my tattoo retouch I wasn't allowed to give until September....when I got crazy busy.  Gotta try for this one again next year.
25. Volunteer to help someone with something they can’t do for themselves 2x per year - have done more than 2 times this year! Puppy fostering for several months, giving rides to friends without a vehicle, we even tried to pay for someone in financial need to be able to take the Financial Peace course but this term no one needed our donation.
26. Babysit one or some of my nieces/nephew(s) at least once - babysat all of them once and the girls twice.
27. Organize/host at least one gathering of friends every other month - this was completely on pace, actually ahead of my goal, until September hit, but most of my 'gatherings' have been one-on-one with girlfriends since then.
28. Invite at least two couples from Church into our home for a meal - yay! I got a 100% on this one! Although technically one was in our backyard not IN our home :)
29. Volunteer in mentorship opportunities at Church - well....there is that little thing I do called Celebrate Recovery every Friday night.

Stewardship of My Growth
30. Step out of my comfort zone, and any time I get a case of ‘that’s not me’s’, attempt to try whatever it is anyway - nothing significant in this area comes to mind...of course I could be getting better at not labeling myself in the first place.
31. Learn to play guitar - I received another lesson this summer and realized I need much shorter nails to keep that up. Oh, and more time.
32. Read all non-fiction books on my shelf - got through 2 of the 6 and had another 5 added to my shelf :(
33. Improve my photography skills - this may have to be a backburner, it's been on my list for far too many years now, with no time put to this at all really.  But maybe if I put it on my list I'll actually be reminded that it's important enough to be on my list, and give it a whirl during some free time, lol.
34. Media fast one day per month - I actually completely forgot about this one after my fast in the Spring, but I've probably 'accidently' done this most months.
35. Keep up prayer journal and bible study blog - well, unfortunately the same tale, same sad ending for this goal.  However I did create a prayer 'checklist' on my iPhone, one for all the important people in my life and other prayer requests that come up, so when I'm staring at my phone looking for something to entertain me while bored, I can be prompted with who needs prayer for what. I did also start listening to the New Testament on CD in the car and I finished the whole NT just a few days ago. I should get the OT version for next year.

Stewardship of Living My Life
36. Read to relax and be entertained in a healthy way - only got through one fiction book
37. Take a trip with hubby to Las Vegas - no trips until all but vehicle and house debt is paid off.
38. Go to at least one Folklorama pavilion - yup, went with mom and sisters
39. Go out on the town by myself3 times - only did 2 out of 3 times, but I got a mani-pedi one time! No art gallery this year though, maybe next year.
40. Take at least 4 hours per month to pamper myself - as I wrote in one of my last posts, pampering myself hasn't been quite as important to me as it once was. I still should make some time now and then to unwind in a bubble bath though.

Can't wait to start on my next list!

Stewardship Sunday

Well, it's been several months since I updated my stewardship/ 'hope-to-accomplish' list (NOT my 'to-do' list :), after updating it in July, life just got swamped but I'm thankful I've still made progress without it being at the forefront of my mind! Maybe it's just ingrained in me now :)

Stewardship of My Finances
As of October I started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University every Wednesday evening at Church, until January. WOW! I thought I was hyper-anal-retentive when it came to my finances but my eyes have been opened! With many more tools at my disposal I have done an overhaul on our finances, re-prioritized with hubby, and we're back on track. 
We had some huge paradigm shifts from his speaking and realize some bad choices we made that we didn't think were as dumb as they were, but taking into consideration Sean is on a wage freeze going on 3 years and if he quits he likely will be going down in wage, we weren't making the smartest decisions over the last year.  But I'm excited to see progress on fixing those already!

Stewardship of My Home
5. Schedule a small Fly Lady tactic every day
I'm still at the point I could step this up a little, but I still haven't had to tidy my living room or clean off my dining room table in about 6 months! So I'm still happy! And I've been de-cluttering like crazy, we're selling and giving away stuff weekly it seems, lol. Partly to fix our finances, selling stuff has/will help pay off some debts, but even giving stuff away has felt SO good! Less to worry about, less to clean/tidy, and making other people happy.  I love it!
 6.Establish a list of at least 60 staple recipes and rotate in a 12 month menu
My meal plans have kept me right on track, they haven't failed me yet, I've stuck to it every week...and blogged a "What's on the Table Tuesday" to track my weekly meal plans.  It's great because I can pick the easiest meals that week to make for our busy Mondays and Fridays and we haven't had to eat out unnecessarily at all, not once! Awesome, hey?!
7. Make as much food from scratch as possible to avoid unnecessary preservatives & packaging
Food I have made from scratch in the last few months....I can't remember if I've mentioned this here or not but I've roasted my own red peppers a few times now. I've just made my own almond butter for the detox/cleanse I am on.  I've been using homemade broth instead of boullion for a few months. Oregano flavoured olive oil and vodka, and dried oregano...with my own grown oregano.  Tomato sauce from canned tomatoes blended with raw veggies and spices - all with no additives.
I have two recipes I'm going to try soon, one a replacement for condensed soups made from all natural (no chemical or preservatives) dry ingredients that you can just mix with water/milk when you need, the second an all natural replacement for onion soup mix.

Stewardship of My Body
We don't have the puppy anymore so my all the exercise I was getting walking him now had to be done on my own motivation and will power. BUT, I finally got un-busy enough on our vacation in October to start on the treadmill again, minimum once a week, and I'm really enjoying it again! YAY! I'm also waking up early at 6 am again to alternate days with weights and pilates.
I am also on a detox/cleanse/elimination meal plan...refocusing my idea of health, what I'm putting into my body, how much, how I'm sustaining my body or hurting it, etc. I have a more indepth post about the health of my body that I am working on....I'm waiting until I'm done this 'kick start' program of 3 weeks so I can post about the results too, so that ends on Nov. 21st...I should have a post done shortly after.

Stewardship of My Earth
15. Grow my own vegetables.
Well, the garden is dead and frozen now.  I didn't get quite as much out of it as I had hoped...no peppers at all.  But, live and learn and try again next year with some new information!  Most of the Farmer's Markets are closed now but I hope to make a special trip to a few 'local food' markets that are year round, hopefully at least once a month. 
16. Have a 100 mile meal once a month.
I did have a 100 mile meal once in July, August and October.  My September is a blur due to the start up of my volunteer job but that's mostly settled down now and so I hope to start this again...as long as I can take the time to go to those local markets.
17. Use organic/natural herbicides
Never did have the weather or time to use the organic spray, but I did ALL weed pulling by hand! If that isn't organic and natural, don't know what is :)
18. Find 3 more ‘One Million Acts of Green’ I can try
I've been successful at shutting down the computer every night, unplugging appliances not in use, still saving up compost, even through the winter, in the garage.  I've been less consious of my water use lately, I want to get back to conserving it better. And now that it's winter, probably won't be airdrying clothes, but I am making sure I have full loads and still using cold water.  I'm also getting more into repurposing items rather than throwing/giving them away, so that I don't have to buy other things.  I am hoping to clear out space in my craft room (selling stuff) for a second hand sewing machine so I can repurpose clothes rather than buying new clothes, etc.

Stewardship of My Talents/Purpose
Well, this has flourished in abundance since my last post.  June 28th I heard officially for the first time about a recovery program at Church that I knew I wanted to be involved in, I just wasn't sure in what capacity.  My leader from the book study facilitating I did contacted me, did an informal meeting/interview and then offered me a LEADERSHIP position for the whole program! Not just a table leader, the Administration/Promotions leader. YIKES! I told her I had to think about it, but the 'job description' fit right into my talents and strengths, and I'd still get to facilitate a group of people who've been through some/most of the same struggles as myself.  I didn't think I was entirely capable but she proved me wrong and I've proved myself wrong :) I've excelled at this job, even though it's exhausted me some weeks, and I love it! I feel I am doing almost everything that I do best AND blessing other people who are in pain and hurting. It's win win.

Stewardship of My Communities
25. Volunteer to help someone with something they can’t do for themselves
Other than what I've previously mentioned, not much new on this task.
26. Babysit one or some of my nieces/nephew(s)
In Steinbach right now babysitting my two neices and my nephew at their home, Saturday to Sunday, while their parents are off on a vacation trip for the long weekend.
27. Organize/host at least one gathering of friends every other month
Now over the year have had 8 outings/gatherings with friends that I've either instigated or hosted, 6 more outings with friends that I didn't even instigate. And no, it wasn't all the same friends :)

Stewardship of My Growth
35. Keep up prayer journal and bible study blog
Still haven't been keeping up with the actual documentation part of praying and reading my Bible, but I have still been praying and spending time in scripture more consistently. I've finished the whole New Testament on CD except Revelation.  I'm listening to that one sparingly because I want to make sure it has my full attention so I can really learn from it, since I'm not as familiar with it. 
I've also got prayer reminders on my phone, a whole list of everyone I'm keeping in my prayers, and I rotate through them in the mornings in between my workouts and getting ready.  And I also have a prayer reminder in our car because we were challenged to pray for people we could bring to Church in the next 2 years. After praying and thinking about it, Sean and I came up with the number 7 (combined) that we wanted to be able to bring to Church in the next 24 months, so this reminder is there so I can concentrate on praying for those 7 people every time we're in the car.

Stewardship of Living My Life
38. Go to at least one Folklorama pavilion
Done, and I posted pictures back in August after I went with my sisters and my mom.
39. Go out on the town by myself
When I go out by myself I tend to shop....I have to stop that (for several reasons) but I still have a mani-pedi I intend to get before my Groupon for it expires in December.  I still would love to hit the art gallery, there was even a show by one of my fav photographers, Jason Poturica, but I think I missed it.  Life has just been too busy unfortunately.

So yeah, I'm just living life and I'm glad my core values are shining through without me having to 'work at' them for the sake of making them a priority, I just am working at them because they are valued parts of my life.  Love it!