Friday, February 29, 2008
I don't know what's my issue, seriously. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to work at. It has such a negative impact on my life yet I can't find the will power on my own to get rid of it. I have SO many motivators:
1. It's expensive.
2. It's very likely the main contributor to 3 medical issues I've had lately.
3. It increases my already high risk of other medical issues.
4. It lowers my self-confidence.
5. It lowers my energy and productivity.
I'm talking about my weight. No one ever wants to admit they are over weight, especially not me. There has been enough people in my life who've admitted it for me. It's an issue I've struggled with since puberty, up and down my weight has fluxuated, but any weight I lost wasn't due to effort on my part, it was all circumstance. And as great as I felt when I felt attractive, and other people said, or acted like, I was..... and as horrible as I've felt when I feel unattractive, and other people say, or act like, I am.......it's still isn't able to motivate me. Every day is a reminder, I can't deceive myself, my clothing size speaks volumes, I feel it in the the beginning signs of arthritis in my hips and knees, I am ill-rested due to my snoring and possibly sleep apnea, and I am dreading the news March 11th, that it might be tied to infertility. My head knows I have enough reasons to suck it up and do the hard work, but my spirit is a machine that runs on encouragement, and motivation and encouragement are NOT the same thing.
I've even put some other motivators in place, like money, I pay Sean when I fail at my commitments to lose weight, and I get paid when I exceed my commitments. And money motivates me, believe me, I'm going to HATE giving it to Sean because he's promised to waste it in a way I'll hate, and I will LOVE spending it because, that's what I love to do. But will that encourage me? I don't know.
So I need everyone who cares to encourage me. Encourage me to not have the donuts that get brought into work way too often. Encourage me to go for a walk with you some time. Anyway you can think of, encourage me (lovingly..... I already have tough love motivators : ).
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I was high-fived over at Pam`s blog for the Middle Name Hoopla!
(1) You must post the rules on your post before you answer the questions.
(2) You need to list one fact about yourself using each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name use your maiden name instead.
(3) When you are finished with your answers, you tag one person for each letter of your name.
M - March 1st, my wedding anniversary, it's coming up very fast and I'm excited to celebrate 5 years of marriage!
I - Ice Cream, I am a sucker for it! The staple is chocolate, any kind, double or triple, mint or brownie, with peanut butter or with raspberries. But I also love the Tiger, Bubble Gum, Cotton Candy, Blue Licorice, Rocky Road, French Vanilla, the sherberts. And then there's blizzards or ice cream cake! I can't help it, it's genetic.
C - Cats, just one of the cute, fuzzy animals I love, but they are the only type I own. I have two kitties, Princess who is a 7 1/2 year old siamese who lives up to her name, and Kody, who is a 2 1/2 year old grey tabby, and he would have been more accurately named $#!% Disturber.
H - Hobbies, I have lots and lots of hobbies. First there is crafting, the majority being scrapbooking and making greeting cards but I've also crocheted and cross-stitched. Then I'd say my next favorite is photography, of scenery and people, but especially my neices. Reading, and right now I'm obsessed with reading Ted Dekker books, it's a good thing he has so many published one after another to keep me from withdrawl. I also write poems, and I eventually would like to get one of these books in my head on paper. I love interior decorating, which is hard to do as a hobby, but I have helped my sisters and mom with decorating their homes, as well as doing my own house. I've also been into drawing and painting, which I haven't done in quite a while because I barely have time for the other hobbies as it is, but I love water colors (which I've now incorporated into scrapbooking and card making though, thanks to Stampin Up!) and I love sketching.
E - Earrings, of which I have 3 in each ear but I have been tempted to also do a nose ring. I'm not sure it would be as cute on me as it was on my sisters.
L - Ladybugs are so cute, I have an affinity for them I guess you could say. It used to be part of a nickname I had and from there I just grew to love them. I have ladybug candles, a stuffed ladybug, a glass ladybug, and I hope to get a tattoo that incorporates ladbugs some day. It will go well with the tattoo I already have of the other two bugs I like (as opposed to all the rest which I hate), butterflies and dragonflies.
L - the Lion and the Lamb, two of my favorite images used to describe Christ. I love how C.S. Lewis portrays Aslan, the Christ figure in "The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe" I think it is so perfect. But as powerful as Christ was, He was still the pure and innocent sacrifice, like a lamb. It's a theme I would love to make into a nursery room one day, especially since Sean loves lions, and I love cute, stuffed lambs.
E - Everquest II, is an online game I play with Sean. It's kind of hard to describe, but it's a MMORPG, which stands for Massive Multi-Player (meaning thousands of people are all logged into the game at one time) Online (on the internet) Role-Playing (you play through a character you create) Game. It's set in mid-evil times with elves, ogres, gnomes, humans, etc. where you can be good or bad, and you do quests that could be anything from slaying a dragon to saving a captive, any kind of quest you want to do you can do. Anyway, we find it fun, especially getting to be 'friends' with people you've played with consistently.
Friday, February 15, 2008
What is his name? Sean
How long have you been together? Since February 19, 2001
How long did you date? Dated for 1.5 years then engaged for 6 months
How old is he? 27
Who eats more? Me, but only overall over the day because he rarely eats breakfast and almost never eats lunch, but at one sitting, he eats more.
Who said I love you first? I was trying to remember this the other day and I think I waited until he said it, but I'm not 100% sure
Who is taller? Sean
Who can sing better? Definitely Me
Who is smarter? Each of us has an edge in different areas, but I'd say we are about equal
Who does the laundry? That's Sean's job
Who pays the bills? Technically no one, every last one is direct withdrawl but I set them up that way.
Who sleeps on the right side? I do, since he wakes up easier and needs to be by the alarm on the left side so we get up
Who mows the lawn? Sean's job again
Who cooks dinner? That's my job
Who drives? If we're going somewhere together he drives most of the time, but I have the jeep for work everyday, so it's about equal
Who is more stubborn? I think this one is a tie again
Who asked out who first? I gave permission for someone to give Sean my number and then he called that night
Who proposed? Sean did
Who had more friends? I do, Sean's a little picky about his friends, he usually only has a few close ones
Who is more sensitive? Oh, most certainly I am
Who has more siblings? It's a tie, I have two sisters, he has two brothers
Who wears the pants? I think we share the pants.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
After my first significant relationship ended I seriously doubted ‘meant to be’ really existed. I was determined my next relationship would be more of a choice and less about being swept off my feet, because apparently any ol’ fool could do that. I was determined to find compatibility rather than chemistry or destiny. I even had a list of must have attributes, things I knew would be fundamental in making my relationship successful the next time. This was my new philosophy starting in the spring of 2000, around which time I moved to the day shift as a call center supervisor and that same week a young man named Sean started his first week as telephone rep on the day shift at the same company. He was among a group of young men who sat near my station and I often found myself joining in on their conversations. Some of the guys caused those impulsive feelings I swore to ignore, however Sean was actually one I didn’t get silly notions about, since it turned out he was engaged, and maybe that’s why I ended up getting to know him better than I did most of the guys. A couple months later, one day a random thought hit me out of nowhere, ‘your future is with him’. I was really taken aback by that thought and dismissed it immediately because it was so unthinkable, after all he was taken, and I was determined not to follow impulsive notions. Then, I totally forgot all about that fleeting thought and continued my casual work-friendship with him.
A few more months down the road his relationship with his fiancé ended and I was one of the few people Sean confided in. We started talking more as individuals and less as a group at work, and with our slightly jaded views of love, we bounced off each other our disappointments and expectations in relationships. It slowly (and I do mean slowly, like over 3 months, slowly) began to dawn on me that we valued the same things, and I was sub-consciously checking off some of my must-have attributes that Sean indeed had. I must admit I was completely unaware at first that feelings for him had grown and all of a sudden I was faced with that shocking fact. I tried to hide it, but others noticed. So I tried to dismiss it, but I don’t know if I fooled anybody. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to act on it, and I had no sense of whether the feelings were even mutual. I was always really bad for picking up on that sort of thing. People told me he obviously liked me but I just didn’t know if I could or wanted to believe it. That might lead to something more and I just hadn’t thought it through enough for that.
By then it was Christmas and time for our office party had arrived. Sean ended up asking me to dance a few times and I didn’t know what to think or feel, but someone took matters into their own hands and decided to ask Sean in a private moment whether he had feelings for me. Sean, stuck in corner, being questioned on his intentions towards his boss by another boss, blurted out a no. It wasn’t until that message was relayed to me that I realized how high my hopes had been and how hard they had crashed. It was extremely hard to go back to work and pretend that it hadn’t affected me, but I shied away from Sean a little, just enough that I could reign in my emotions and get back to my original plan. My heart wasn’t in control, I was. But it didn’t take long before Sean was worming his way into my heart again. After more conversations he was looking more and more like the man I had mapped out as ideal. But this time, aware of my feelings for him, I didn’t let myself get caught up in the excitement of this. We were just friends and even if he did turn out to be someone I could love, he wasn’t interested.
When Valentine’s Day was fast approaching a new campaign at work was placed in my charge, as was finding the best representatives for it. It was also a popular campaign and so I was dealing with a bit of begging and bargaining from employees, including Sean. I knew he was very good, so I planned to select him all along, but I let him try to coax me anyway. He then publicly offered to give me a Valentine, since that would be the first day of the campaign. I said, ‘yeah right’ and jokingly dismissed him but I wondered why he would make his bribe a romantic gesture, especially considering what happened at Christmas. I refused to speculate but I couldn’t extinguish the little hope that began to grow again. So, Valentine’s Day came and I watched his demeanor carefully but he seemed oblivious to the promise and no Valentine appeared on my desk. At the very end of the day Sean, and another employee who remembered well the interesting bribe, lagged behind and finally Sean handed me the Valentine, trying to avoid making it a big deal. It was simple, sweet, yet innocent, and I would have been letting my emotions run away with me if I read anything more into it than it being a humorous bribe. But that’s exactly what I did. And this time I couldn’t hide it. And again someone decided to take matters into their own hands, and again asked Sean if there was more to his feelings for me than friendship. This time Sean revealed that there was and my phone number was given to him. He wasted no time calling and by February 19th we were a couple.
As enamoured as I was, I was still determined to stay rational, to make this a logical decision, to make sure that he and the relationship met my standards before I let myself reach the point of love. I told him about my list of must-have attributes, and after lengthy discussions we realized we not only agreed on all of them but after a few weeks we agreed that we had found all but one in each other. The last one was commitment, and that we would only be able to prove over time. It was then I finally released my heart from the tight reigns I had on it, and I let myself fall head over heels. Only in hind sight did I realize that meant to be did still exist, God had orchestrated our lives to reach this conclusion. And I HAD been swept off my feet by Sean, it just happened so gradually, so quietly and without effort. It seems we had found the perfect balance of passion and reason, a combination we believe will help us endure. And the fact that we have the same stupid sense of humor doesn’t hurt either.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
10. The Princess Bride - the best fairytale romance I've seen, the beautiful Buttercup who needs to rescued from the dastardly villain by the dashing Wesley. It's a little bit funny, a little bit sweet, and a lot of fancy!
9. Titanic - even though you know the ending, you can't help but get caught up in their love story, hoping they'll survive, and you really want to find away for Jack to be alive after all.
8. Legends of the Fall - Every brother wants her, none can really have her. Watching them all try to win her love will make you swoon, and yet breaks your heart over and over again.
7. My Best Friend's Wedding - a typical Julia Roberts comedy, but I liked that the humor was bittersweet. It's a reminder that you never know when you will find love, or who you'll fall in love with. It's also a reminder that love is not always easy, whether it's romantic love or not.
6. What Women Want - ok, a typical Mel Gibson comedy but it wasn't cheesy humor like most romantic comedies. We all put on such good behavior when we start dating someone, and so I liked that it showed the more realistic/manipulative side of romance. Romance doesn't equal love. And of course, I like that falling in love changes a person, causing them to redeem themself and risk everything for love.
5. Wicker Park - this is a movie about the one that got away, but with some mysterious twists you begin to realize love was actually kept away. I seem to love it when men are determined not to give up the pursuit of the love of their life. By the end of this movie I don't think I've ever been so happy to see two characters reunited.
4. City of Angels - captures your heart as you watch the miracle of finding love, the huge sacrifices to win love, to be with the one you love, only to lose love. I was warned to have a box of kleenex for this one, and I'd suggest the same.
3. What Dreams May Come - to the ends of the earth, that's not far enough for love. How about literally moving heaven and earth to save love, and love overcoming death. I don't think I've ever seen a more heart-wrenching yet beautiful movie.
2. 50 First Dates - this one is so funny and sweet, and this line in the movie says it best, "so you spend everyday trying to make her fall in love with you all over again?" Sigh.
1. The Notebook - makes me sob EVERY time I watch it (or read it). To have someone pursue your love like Noah did! Hanging from the ferris wheel (ok, that was stupid), 365 letters, 10 years apart but still in love, trying to break through the alzheimers. Sigh, sniffle, sob.
Monday, February 11, 2008
The song that I find decribes my 'love style' best is "Inside And Out" by Feist. Here are the lyrics that apply the best:
I figure it's the love that keeps you warm
Let this moment be forever
We won't ever feel the storm
You treat me like a vision in the night
Someone there to stand behind you
When your world ain't working right
I ain't no vision
I am the girl who loves you inside and out
Backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out
I love no other way
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Well, back in the day (1997) I was told I look like Molly Ringwald. Here's a comparison photo...personally, I don't see it.
I think I look more like fellow Winnipeger, Anna Paquin. Here's a comparison photo.
A lot closer match anyway.
*Thanks Pam for directing me to this site, http://www.myheritage.com/celebrity-face-recognition, where I have since learned these are the celebrities I look like:
Daisy Fuentes Tori Amos Katie Couric
And Anna Paquin was listed too, ha I was right!
Friday, February 8, 2008
1. I'm looking forward to playing scrabble/scrabulous.
2. Australia is a place I always wanted to visit and haven't made it there yet.
3. I've fallen in love with massages.
4. Six of one, makes a six-pack.
5. Addiction: food.
6. The stories Sean tells crack me up!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hopefully finishing my book, tomorrow my plans include just spending time with Sean and Sunday, I want to eat chinese!(by the way, in case you wonder where I get these random and strange ideas for blogs each day, I find them on this meme inspiration site)
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
1) Clean! It's about time I vacuumed the little bit of rug we have in our home again, my nose is very clogged lately. There's a few piles of junk that need to be sorted through, shredded and/or tossed. My garage sale pile is an eye soar in my craft room.
2) Enjoy supper. Stop rushing through the preparations, or paying attention to the food just during commercials, and savoring rather than inhaling when I eat.
3) Make a dent in any one of the items left on my 101 list. Particularily those relating to getting our house ready to sell.
4) Have a night out with some family or friends. Most of my visits with friends lately have consisted of rushed conversation, trying to squeeze in some time to see each other in between other commitments. It would be nice to have a sit down, relaxed conversation, over Starbucks or Sushi. Or both, or neither, lol. Whatever, as long as someone is there with me!
5) Go out on a date with Sean. The weather has dissuaded me from this so far, but I'd like to take a stroll around the Forks, see some snow sculptures, bask in the ambience of a moonlit winter night on the river.
6) Allow myself to actually delve into my latest book, Skin by Ted Dekker, instead of reading snippets between shows and commercials, which I only do because the book is on the coffee table and I'm usually only in the living room when I watch t.v., so I kinda forget about reading when I'm away from the t.v.
7) Catch up on Southland's sermons online, I've missed a few weeks lately for various reasons, and I feel so out of the loop. I also should be catching up on some Bible reading.
8) Crafting. I believe I have only 4 weeks left to finish my wedding album, according to my 5th anniversary deadline. I better lock myself in my craft room if I have any hope of getting that accomplished. I have printed out all the pictures, and templates of what I'd like to do, now I just have to do it!
9) Exercising. I have to stop waiting until I'm motivated and JUST DO IT! I used to watch t.v. and ride my orbitrek but the noise of the machine drowned out the t.v., so I would crank the volume, and that would annoy Sean, who couldn't then hear his own thoughts, never mind what he was doing. I can't wait to have a bigger house where that wouldn't be a problem because I found I exercised the most when I could do it in front of the boob tube. But, for now, I will force myself to use my t.v. free time.
10) Zzzzzzzzzzz. I find I need more sleep lately, since my stuffy nose makes it harder to get a good night sleep, and I think that less oxygen might also be making me tired. My sleep has been better since I got my nose spray but with more moisture comes more need to blow my nose, which has caused more nose bleeds (at least one/week) and so I've avoided using the spray a little, partly because I don't know if it's safe to use on a exposed blood vessels, and partly because it's just going to further this cycle of spray/blow/bleed. One of my worst irrational fears is coterization, but I just might have to face that I need it. But my temporary solution, going to bed early, not staying up to watch My Wife and Kids.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Paul Brandt - Didn't Even See The Dust
Dirty Vegas - Days Go By
Rihanna - Please Don't Stop the Music
Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive
Cascada - Everytime We Touch
Big & Rich - Loud
Scissor Sisters - Don't Feel Like Dancing
Ram Jam - Black Betty
Abba - Anything on Abba Gold Album
Pink - Trouble
It's quite the ecclectic song list, yes, but that's me! I've just got to start playing them more, so I'm motivated to shake my groove thang......to stay warm of course!