Happy Heart Day!

Sometimes we need to stop and smell the roses (real or imagined, depending on the gifts you got today :), and remind ourselves of why we are in love. Sometimes in the busyness or humdrum of life, we forget the reasons we are with our significant others and today is the perfect day to remind ourselves. Don’t rely on flowers and chocolate to fulfill your romance needs today, how about sharing your love story and let the memories warm your heart instead. Everytime I do this I find myself falling in love all over again. Here’s our story.

After my first significant relationship ended I seriously doubted ‘meant to be’ really existed. I was determined my next relationship would be more of a choice and less about being swept off my feet, because apparently any ol’ fool could do that. I was determined to find compatibility rather than chemistry or destiny. I even had a list of must have attributes, things I knew would be fundamental in making my relationship successful the next time. This was my new philosophy starting in the spring of 2000, around which time I moved to the day shift as a call center supervisor and that same week a young man named Sean started his first week as telephone rep on the day shift at the same company. He was among a group of young men who sat near my station and I often found myself joining in on their conversations. Some of the guys caused those impulsive feelings I swore to ignore, however Sean was actually one I didn’t get silly notions about, since it turned out he was engaged, and maybe that’s why I ended up getting to know him better than I did most of the guys. A couple months later, one day a random thought hit me out of nowhere, ‘your future is with him’. I was really taken aback by that thought and dismissed it immediately because it was so unthinkable, after all he was taken, and I was determined not to follow impulsive notions. Then, I totally forgot all about that fleeting thought and continued my casual work-friendship with him.

A few more months down the road his relationship with his fiancé ended and I was one of the few people Sean confided in. We started talking more as individuals and less as a group at work, and with our slightly jaded views of love, we bounced off each other our disappointments and expectations in relationships. It slowly (and I do mean slowly, like over 3 months, slowly) began to dawn on me that we valued the same things, and I was sub-consciously checking off some of my must-have attributes that Sean indeed had. I must admit I was completely unaware at first that feelings for him had grown and all of a sudden I was faced with that shocking fact. I tried to hide it, but others noticed. So I tried to dismiss it, but I don’t know if I fooled anybody. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to act on it, and I had no sense of whether the feelings were even mutual. I was always really bad for picking up on that sort of thing. People told me he obviously liked me but I just didn’t know if I could or wanted to believe it. That might lead to something more and I just hadn’t thought it through enough for that.

By then it was Christmas and time for our office party had arrived. Sean ended up asking me to dance a few times and I didn’t know what to think or feel, but someone took matters into their own hands and decided to ask Sean in a private moment whether he had feelings for me. Sean, stuck in corner, being questioned on his intentions towards his boss by another boss, blurted out a no. It wasn’t until that message was relayed to me that I realized how high my hopes had been and how hard they had crashed. It was extremely hard to go back to work and pretend that it hadn’t affected me, but I shied away from Sean a little, just enough that I could reign in my emotions and get back to my original plan. My heart wasn’t in control, I was. But it didn’t take long before Sean was worming his way into my heart again. After more conversations he was looking more and more like the man I had mapped out as ideal. But this time, aware of my feelings for him, I didn’t let myself get caught up in the excitement of this. We were just friends and even if he did turn out to be someone I could love, he wasn’t interested.

When Valentine’s Day was fast approaching a new campaign at work was placed in my charge, as was finding the best representatives for it. It was also a popular campaign and so I was dealing with a bit of begging and bargaining from employees, including Sean. I knew he was very good, so I planned to select him all along, but I let him try to coax me anyway. He then publicly offered to give me a Valentine, since that would be the first day of the campaign. I said, ‘yeah right’ and jokingly dismissed him but I wondered why he would make his bribe a romantic gesture, especially considering what happened at Christmas. I refused to speculate but I couldn’t extinguish the little hope that began to grow again. So, Valentine’s Day came and I watched his demeanor carefully but he seemed oblivious to the promise and no Valentine appeared on my desk. At the very end of the day Sean, and another employee who remembered well the interesting bribe, lagged behind and finally Sean handed me the Valentine, trying to avoid making it a big deal. It was simple, sweet, yet innocent, and I would have been letting my emotions run away with me if I read anything more into it than it being a humorous bribe. But that’s exactly what I did. And this time I couldn’t hide it. And again someone decided to take matters into their own hands, and again asked Sean if there was more to his feelings for me than friendship. This time Sean revealed that there was and my phone number was given to him. He wasted no time calling and by February 19th we were a couple.

As enamoured as I was, I was still determined to stay rational, to make this a logical decision, to make sure that he and the relationship met my standards before I let myself reach the point of love. I told him about my list of must-have attributes, and after lengthy discussions we realized we not only agreed on all of them but after a few weeks we agreed that we had found all but one in each other. The last one was commitment, and that we would only be able to prove over time. It was then I finally released my heart from the tight reigns I had on it, and I let myself fall head over heels. Only in hind sight did I realize that meant to be did still exist, God had orchestrated our lives to reach this conclusion. And I HAD been swept off my feet by Sean, it just happened so gradually, so quietly and without effort. It seems we had found the perfect balance of passion and reason, a combination we believe will help us endure. And the fact that we have the same stupid sense of humor doesn’t hurt either.