Friday, June 27, 2008
1. Birthdays are a great excuse to get together with loved ones and party.
2. Autumn is my favorite season because of the gorgeous red and gold leaves, and the not too hot, not to cool temperatures.
3. I feel my best when I'm accomplishing things out of the norm for me.
4. Chocolate is my favorite food!
5. First impressions are not everything.
6. The best piece of advice I ever received was love one another.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to my walk with Pam, tomorrow my plans include celebrating the two house sales and Sunday, I want to relax, maybe catch up with a few friends at Church.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I have definately learned over the last 2.5 years that control of our potential parenthood lies in God's hands and so most months I have increasing peace about the future of our family, whether that be two or more members. But it's still not easy. The days that I have a hard time with are when my period is really late, just late enough to hope.
At first I was just a little too optimistic and if I was 3 days late I took a pregnancy test. Then I began to be a little more realistic, but that's when the really late periods started. It's happened four times. 8 months into our trying I was 7 days late and I was convinced I was pregnant, even though my pregnancy test was negative. I searched the internet for why and I read about false negatives and that tests can't really be relied on until you are 2 weeks late, but I didn't have a chance to wait that long. Because I had been so optimistic I was almost just as convinced now that I had to have had a miscarriage. That was definately not easy. 5 months later I was 7 days late again, although this time I instead considered this may be a cycle issue because I couldn't handle the emotions of the other possibility again. Thankfully a really late period didn't happen again until 11 months later but that time it was 12 days late. I ignored my own warnings to wait until the 14th day to do a pregnancy test but each day past the 7th day late my hope just inflated exponentially. There is no other option other than to crash when you've allowed yourself to get your hopes up that high.
Now, it's happened again, 10 days late and as much as I tried I couldn't help but allow a few hopeful thoughts in. The first 5 days I chalked it up to coming off the fertility drugs, my cycle returning to it's erratic state. But then the words of the doctor played through my head, 'sometimes when people take a break from the drugs, they let go of the pressure to get pregnant, the drugs are still somewhat in their system, and that's when a lot of women get pregnant.' I had enough restraint to not do a test this time but I couldn't keep out all hope. The fall wasn't nearly so bad on the 11th day, but the same questions run through my mind everytime as I wallow in disappointment.
If there are no answers how will I know when to stop hoping? I've had no answers from God or doctors, not a 'you can't' and not a 'you will'. I have my own ideas of when I no longer want to be giving birth (age-wise and health-wise) but that's about 5 years away! What if there never will be a concrete 'yes' or 'no'? How do I survive not knowing until I pull the plug on this myself 5-ish years from now. I feel like I'm hoping too much for something I haven't even been promised, and that that hope might keep me from realizing my purpose. Yet without a clear 'no' can I ever stop hoping? And on days when I find peace that it may be my purpose not to have kids it doesn't last long before I feel guilty, like I might just be being selfish. Like the freedoms we have and would continue to have being childless are selfish. It's being neither here not there that drives me crazy.
Who's to say I won't get answers before those years are up? I know I've been and probably still am being taught something through this. And I'm glad for what I've learned. I just feel like with no answers I'm standing with me feet on two paths, two paths in opposite directions, and because I'm just standing still I'm going nowhere. It's not easy, but no one promised it would be.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
So, for those keeping track, that is 17 lbs lost in 15 weeks, and I've lost at least 8.5 inches off my main torso areas. I haven't been measuring inches on my legs and arms but they have noticeably shrunk as well. AND, I'm actually beginning to see some toning, I can see a hint of my biceps, abs, and if I flex I can see my quads and calf muscles! I don't think I've EVER been able to see muscles on myself!
I'm very pumped!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
This is the layout of our house shortly after we moved in (before - first)and now (after - second)
My friend Kristal (used to be Peters for any of you in Steinbach, pre 1992-era). We went to Southland together and junior high together until she moved to Chicago in 1992 and that was the last time I saw her until last week. She was in Steinbach on business (as an Arbonne consultant) and so I went out to see her. It was great that we just instantly connected again!
Our friends Sean and Crystal, who moved from Winnipeg to Regina just over 3 years ago, but were here to hopefully find a way to move back (yay!). We hadn't seen them in probably at least a year, possibly more. We took them out to Mongo's Grill, which they don't have out there,they loved it so much and now they just have to move back, lol!
Our friend Ernie and his fiance Kristi (just engaged about a month ago). We used to attend the same Church in Winnipeg and now both attend Southland as well, but we go Saturdays and they go Sundays and so it's been about a year since we last had a chance to visit with them (other than a quick hello in passing occasionally). We had a great time on the outdoor patio at Montana's, so much so that before we knew it, it was almost 9 pm (because the sun doesn't set as early anymore)! They are getting married on the day Sean and I got engaged, can't wait to attend their wedding this summer!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Tonight Com.free is over to take photos and create a spec sheet with us and so soon I will have time to write a decent blog entry, with some pics of our updated house : ) Too bad I didn't take many 'before' shots to compare, but I'll explain all that I've done, don't you worry! Lol.