Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Lost and Found

Over the years my blogging has served different functions for me.

Sometimes a journal, or a way to share life long distance, or a way to understand myself better, or a vessel for truth I'm called to share, or a way to document life's simpler moments.

Sometimes I've had to try really hard to keep blogging part of my life.
Sometimes I've had posts piled up in pre-written form waiting to be published.

Sometimes life is just too busy/hard/personal to post about.
Sometimes life has been too precious and/or profound to not share, no matter how intense. 

I've had periods where I've been consumed with topics to write about, feeling like it is my purpose to relay the understanding I've been gifted.
I've had periods where I aimlessly ask questions, digging for something meaningful about myself.

I've been on quests for health.
I've been on quests for laughter.
I've been on quests for love.
I've been on quests for growth.
Honestly, I've even been on quests for followers.

I have found and I have lost.

Recently, I've looked back at quite a few previous posts, especially over the last few months. The new year feels like it was a completely different year. Oh the intentions I had. More documenting. More journalling. More truth sharing. More creativity. More self-discovery. More finding. I hadn't anticipated more losing.

But it turns out I also did find.

I found a more organic blogging - posts that developed naturally with no intentional agenda. I found that in a time I was going to retreat I instead reached out. When I wanted to reject reflection, my mind and calendar were opened, but then room was made for pondering truths I hadn't squeezed into my schedule for a while. I found refocus in hammering out my thoughts here. I've found rekindled passion for writing, for story-telling. I found a different kind of honesty, not just being real with the truth in my posts, but being real in my whole approach to posting, desire-based posting, not driven-based posting.

Turns out I have found more truth sharing, more self-discovery, more of what I've really wanted blogging to mean to me.

I like this 'new' blog I've found. I think I'll keep it.

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