Tuesday, June 21, 2011

My Husband Rocks - Titus Tuesday

So I came across this challenge about a week ago, thought I had more time and then the due date was today! A winning entry needs more time! How do I form all the wonderful things about my husband into a piece of writing that shows he rocks the most?!?

Compared to some other blogs I've read, he isn't the most romantic or thoughtful or chivelrous or generous husband out there.

Of course, I know despite that, I'm so much luckier than some, because I was once that some.  But this isn't negative campaigning.

So, I'm not going to write in the frame of mind that my husband is the best husband out there, but he does rock, and this is why he rocks my world.

I think what stands out to me most about Sean is his grace and growth as a husband during our lowest, toughest, most painful moments.
It started early on in our relationship. But the thing is, he wasn't a Christian when we started dating, that came about 10 months later. But the trials started much sooner than that, three weeks into our dating relationship, my ex (when I was the 'some' I was referring to above) decided he was going to make life for us as a couple hell on earth. He threatened to get us fired, he threatened to expose my shameful, abused past with him to the world, he came to my house with a knife, he tried to convince me that Sean was gay, just to name a few things. Sean knew I was a Christian, and after one particular night of aweful threats, he came over, dropped to his knees at my feet, and prayed for us, and for my ex. I think that was his first intentional prayer ever.

After a few years of marriage we were both at a pretty low point, my husband's estranged father had passed away with no reconciliation, I had just been fired and I was still coming to terms with what I went through with my ex. We hadn't been committed to a Church for awhile, since we experienced some hurts in the last one, when we were invited to a Church retreat through my Church in my home town. I was anxious to go after hearing so many testimonies of freedom, but hubby was really under attack and was becoming leary of it. But I think he was just in pain enough that his heart opened to what God could do there, even though his mind was trying to close it out, so he did go.  Afterwards my husband was a new man, seeking the Holy Spirit's leading, initiating changing our home Church to my home town Church, even though it meant an hour and a half drive every Sunday. It was the first big step to forgiveness he received and gave, and it resulted in his first steps towards the spiritual leadership a husband is called to have.

Another few years later, some still unresolved issues arose with me regardig my ex, while Sean was out of town on business.  The night Sean came home I have a terrible nightmare, reliving some abuse, and the next morning, in the beginnings of an anxiety attack and 'losing it' moment, I contact my ex's new fiance to expose him for who he really is.  I opened the door to him finding us again. I had no consideration for how this might appear to my husband, you know, like the inability to let go of an ex. But he handled it all with grace. He talked to my ex for me and ending the situation calmly. He immediately forgave me for it, and encouraged me to seek out counselling at Church. He became the opposite of who he usually became when anything to do with my ex entered our lives, but I think he was in tune to God telling him what I needed because he did exactly that.

And the latest big struggle we've been dealing with, infertility. To say my husband isn't a passionate daddy-wanna-be is a bit of an understatement, but at the end of another anxiety attack I had last fall he surprised me by confessing a lot of the pain, dissappointment, and frustration in his life last year was due in part to the pain of not being able to 'give' me my biggest passion, motherhood. Somehow in that confession, finally sharing that pain unlike we had at all in the last 5 years, something changed. It wasn't immediate, but I sensed him turning to God more and more.  In these last few months I've seen him not only grow more as a Christian, as a spiritual leader, as a humble servant seeking to grow, the by-products of which have been a happier and healthier marriage, but even his demeanor around children is starting to change in a way it never has.

I am so grateful for a husband who has grace under fire. And that he allows himself to be refined in the fire. I know we wouldn't be the couple we are today, or the Christians we are today, if he didn't allow himself to be molded in His hands in that way.

Here is the blog hosting the contest, in case you want to check out more wives proud of their rockin' husbands, or other hubby honoring posts!

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