March has already been a bit of wild ride, a bit of rollercoasting up and downs and some Tilt-a-Whirl making me a little sick to my stomach. Maybe I just need some mini donuts or cotton candy to get the full effect, but these ‘rides’ aren’t as amusing as my fond amusement park memories.
March 1st started off GREAT! That’s because it was our 5th year anniversary! Yes already! We celebrated with a weekend at the Inn at the Forks, in their Riverstone suite, complete with a mini-waterfall, plasma t.v., dinner at the Current, sparkling wine and chocolate dipped strawberries, a Jacuzzi (the bathroom was as big as our bedroom!), and just a chance to get away from it all for 24 hours. *sigh* It was magnificent. The Riverstone spa is really nice too, but not enough money for that right now, otherwise I would have added a couple’s massage. So, #51 from my 101 list is now complete, and successfully pulled off.
The rest of the first week was the Gravitron, where centrifugal forces suck you against the wall, except I was stuck to my chair at work by the force of all the reports flying on and off my desk. It was a little stressful, but I was happy to making overtime, which can go to a new paint job for the house. And I was pleasantly surprised I still had energy when I got home, unlike previous times I’ve had a busy/stressful week at work, and I can only attribute it to my new routine of regular exercise.
Then, came a rollercoaster dip, you know the kind that feels like your stomach has jumped into your throat? Richard added me to his Facebook friends. Almost 8 months to the day from when I essentially ended our friendship (although it was technically his choice). I was a little shocked because, besides the fact that he said he would NEVER join, to have the nerve to just add me when I told him we couldn’t have a friendship unless he allowed me to confront him on some things. I don’t like suspecting the worst, but considering our history, it’s hard not to wonder if he's just spying or just trying to remind me he's still around. I added him for a few days just to see if he MIGHT prove me wrong, but then I re-thought that....he knows how to get a hold of me many other ways, if he's going to finally agree to talk it won't be through Facebook, so I told him as much and deleted him. That didn’t elicit a response either. I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak, and I got a pit in my stomach that made me a little ill. I felt like my buttons were still getting pushed and sure, I’m not reacting the way I would have a year ago, or a few years ago, but I’m still reacting. And it bugs me. And it was the last thing I needed, just days before F-day…..fertility doctor day! Luckily I have some great people in my life who made me feel better about the situation, and how I handled it, and by my appointment I had almost forgotten all about it.
March 11th was our appointment and the whole morning was like a rollercoaster climbing a peak, just slowly chugging away, building anticipation until my stomach just about couldn’t handle it anymore. But when the appointment was over it was an exhilarating rush, and I couldn’t have been flying higher.
Then, that night, an acquaintance of ours revealed that she was in an abusive relationship and she was acting desperate. I tried to talk to her like I needed someone to talk to me 12 years ago but one thing about someone who’s been manipulated for years is that they tend to manipulate things themselves. They can start treating others like they are treated because that’s how they’ve been trained to relate. She was trying to manipulate people into acting the way she wanted us to act, and she was also an expert at excuses, another trait inherited from a manipulator. I don’t know if I made any headway but by the time we were done talking she knew I wasn’t someone she could control, but she also knew that I might be one person she can rely on. She knows the song and dance of why she should leave but doesn’t believe she’s capable of pulling it off. I was there once, I can relate. I’ll just keep trying to help her believe it.
Despite my emotionally draining week, I did manage to keep my physical energy up and even increased my exercise while decreasing my eating! My clothes are a little looser and I’m beginning to feel ‘better’. It’s hard to say what exactly, maybe it’s just the energy, or the pride in my accomplishment. The side effects of my medication have taken a small toll, but is nothing I can’t handle and is well worth their trouble, and I wonder how much of that is due to my mind set that I’m willing to go through it for the desired outcome, or because I’m taking better care of myself physically. Whichever it is, I’m happy I’ve made the decisions I have recently.
Phew. What a ride life is sometimes!
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