Journal of a Journey

Yeah, I have a lot of these...journals of a journey. Well, 1285 days ago I started a journal that I thought I was writing so that I could one day provide it to my first born child to show them how much they were wanted, and planned, and thought about, and pursued, and loved. Here I am 1285 days later with no one to give this journal, except....you. Life has taught me over and over again, no matter my circumstances I am never alone, I am never the only one going through something, and that sharing about my circumstances can bring so much light, and relief, and even contentment and joy, no matter how much it seems like the opposite.
So I've created a blog out of the journal I've kept about my experiences trying to pursue motherhood. My hope is that anyone can learn from my journey, but I especially hope that those of you who can't get have children find a place where you know you are not alone.

Musical Monday - a song for Sean

Your love, your love, it’s unconditional
When my world falls apart
Your love, your love, is unconditional
Your in my heart

I turned against my only friend
Betrayed myself in the end
I lost my way
With all the lies that you’d been fed
You saw me cry and hang my head
And you said to me
There’s no need for apologies

I came to feel and not defend
To find a means to an end
It’s your love
You gave me strength and eyes to see
The man(woman) that I was meant to be
And now I can see
There’s no need for apologies

And you keep on reaching out
No matter how far away
And you know I’ll scream and shout
But you keep on reaching out to save me

~Simon Collins

Prayer Podium

~For my family and friends who think they need more than God, for those who think they don't need God at all, and for those that think they can live with the small amount of God they have
~For help in finding a new home Church in Winnipeg that will allow us to share God with the people in our life better
~For continued help to make my thoughts obedient to Christ, and receive His peace, guarding my heart and mind, and thankfulness for healing me and showing me His truth
~Thanks for my very loving, committed, protective and forgiving husband
~For help being the wife God asks me to be, who saves the best of herself for her husband
~For trust in my purpose, and the boldness and courage to fulfill it
~For the many women who are struggling with fertility (including myself), and for our continued patience, and willingness to let God be in control
~For my sister and BIL, for patience and success in;
1. their adoption from Ethiopia
2. their search to find a position in ministry

Helping Hearts

So, I've been very excited for my sister and her husband's (Tami & Kellin's) adoption from Ethiopia, and to quell my own impatience I've been trying to do what I can to help their fundraising. I got very excited about all their fundraising ideas but especially the t-shirt fundraiser. When I heard that a custom design could be done I searched for ideas and decided to design my own since none really captured how I was feeling.
It such a matter of the heart, Tami & Kellin's hearts reaching out all the way across a huge ocean and already loving, so deeply, two little hearts in Ethiopia that not only expand their family but they get to help better these children's lives. And my heart is right in there, along with our family's, our hearts' wanting to help in every way we can.
So I did my own creating and I ended up with this design:

I gave it to Tami & Kellin for them to use on t-shirts a few months ago and the t-shirts are finally done and have arrived to my hot little hands! It's such a great expression of our hope and excitement, and a way to increase awareness of international adoption. Tami and I have already been wearing ours and have had quite a few chances to have a conversation about their situation. This is what the pink one looks like:

There is also a t-shirt in black with the same white and red logo. If you are interested in supporting Tami & Kellin's adoption through the purchase of a t-shirt, there is a minimum donation of $25 per shirt, which you can purchase through me or through her blog
expecting-childrenfromethiopia.blogspot.com
Thanks for your helping heart!

Musical Mondays - Tribute to Faithfulness

This is a song Sean and I love, it has a message that isn't often heard today, how you can't find anything of more value than you already have with your spouse. I love it even more than Sean brought this song to my attention, now how can I not want to honour a hubby like that!

Go on and cry,
Tears are sure good to heal it.
I don't need to ask why
You're feeling that pain that you're feeling.
There's only one reason you'd be here tonight,
He's up to his old tricks again.
But you're such a treasure,It doesn't seem right.
Don't know what comes over him.

It's like taken the bus,
With a cadillac parked in the driveway,
Or a thousand miles down a dirt road,
When theres a new four lane highway.
It's like blowing off Christmas with Mama,
To have a drink with a stranger.
Why crawl through a trench with the devil,
When you could fly with an angel?

Why you stay with him,
Girl, I just don't understand.
He's out searchin' for silver,
Ignorin that gold on your hand.
For the love of a woman he's throwin' away,
Most men would pay any price.
Should the eyes of temptation stare me in the face,
I'd never need to think twice.

It's like taken the bus,
With a cadillac parked in the driveway,
Or a thousand miles down a dirt road,
When theres a new four lane highway.
It's like blowing off Christmas with Mama,
To have a drink with a stranger.
Why crawl through a trench with the devil,
When you could fly with an angel?

~Ray Scott

Up to the Challenge Again

I am very excited to start my THIRD July of the Honour Your Husband Challenge. In 2007 I came across this challenge through bloggyland and really felt a great impact in our marriage, not only because Sean was getting spoiled and appreciated it, but I felt I got the most benefit out of it, intentionally loving someone for 30 days gives a real boost to how deeply you love them. It’s always interesting trying to come up with what I can do to honour Sean, some of my previous attempts have been very well received, some have kinda flopped before they could be appreciated.
These are the things that stand out to me when I read the definition of honour; to respect, to regard with adoration, have the privilege of being associated with, and having the honesty, fairness and integrity as a wife with honour. This really ties into what I’ve been reading (and learning from) on Pam’s and ValleyGirl’s blogs Bible Study "The True Woman Makeover", based on Proverbs 31. It talks a lot about inspiring something better in our husbands (ties into the verse I mentioned last year 1 Peter 3:1-6), making our home and marriage FIRST priority by spending our energy first on our marriage and then everything else, and fighting the culture of women being the princess/goddess and the men just being the jester/buffoon, and instead honouring our husbands by making them feel like real men. WOW do I have a lot to live up to! I know dedicating myself to this for 30 days isn’t all I’m called to, but it embeds the thoughts, motivations, rewards into my heart so that I can carry it out the rest of the year.
So here are the 5 things I am aiming for this year:
1. BACON! – This sounds funny but Sean is forever asking for bacon, every time I ask input on a recipe he says ‘bacon’. I’m always trying to make his favourite meals to show how much I adore him, and the meals that absolutely make him drool have to have bacon. I started off the month by making him something he asked for, chocolate chip cookies with BACON! Yes, he even loves bacon with chocolate and he LOVED these cookies (quite frankly, I wanted to spit it out when I tasted it). I have a few other bacon ideas up my sleeve, I am going to try and make all the bacon meals I can possibly think of over the next month, including; the bacon wrapped shrimp dish he raved about in Nashville, Aussie Chicken (which has several favourites, bacon, mushrooms and cheese), 4 dozen Sauerkraut perogies with bacon (I’m not making them but I’m buying them homemade as a secret, he loves Sauerkraut perogies and they are hard to find homemade), meatloaf topped with bacon (he loves meatloaf), bacon & eggs, pasta carbonara, and if I can find good steak, bacon wrapped steak. Any good bacon recipes you have, feel free to pass them along :)
2. My Husband Rocks! – I’m going to be advertising this as much as possible. I bought a t-shirt last summer that says “My Husband Rocks” and I intend on wearing it as much as possible, along with the new shirt I’ve bought (that looks like this) that should arrive any day now.

Usually I just wear mine now and then, just for the heck of it or when I’m extra in love Sean that day, but I am going to try to wear these shirts at least 2 times a week! I want the world to know I am privileged to be associated with Sean, I am proud to be his wife, he is a wonderful husband!
3. Rock His World! – I don’t need him to wear the t-shirt “My Wife Rocks” (although that would be nice, lol), but I do want him to feel that way. I want to be a wife that he can brag about, the kind that fulfills every dream and wish he had or has for a wife. I want to be a Godly woman he can admire and look to for guidance, I want to be a woman who inspires him to be the man God wants him to be. I want him to ‘lack nothing of value’ in our life together, I want him to know he and our marriage are always first and that I am spending the best of me on him, I want him to be confident in my contributions to our household, I want him to be grateful for my compassion and servant heart, I want my wisdom and integrity to make him proud. There are probably hundreds of things I can do to accomplish this but it comes down to my own relationship with God and being the woman and wife He leads me to be. I will continue to work diligently at being the clay so God can mould me into a rockin’ wife!
4. He’s Strong Enough To Be My Man! – I’m going to do all that I can to validate his manhood ;) I’m going to unabashedly appreciate and show my need for everything in him that makes him a man. I’m going to make a list of appreciativeness for things that he does, that only he, as ‘my man’, can do. I’m going to try to come up with a list weekly and email it to him at his work email on Saturday mornings so he gets it first thing Monday morning. That of course includes everything from doing the more physical upkeep around our house, to reading all the fine print on all our contracts/bills/etc., to dealing with customer service issues/complaint type things, and for making me feel like a woman (to put it decently :). I’m also going to try to ensure I’m including him on all decisions relating to everything we do for our household. Sometimes I don’t put enough validity in his opinions for ‘minor’ things or ‘girly-oriented’ things, assuming he has no interest, but he should have equal say if it has to do with our home and our life together, and I don’t want to rob him of the power of decision making. I’m also not going to act negatively towards typical guy things, guys have a different sense of humor, they are a little more aggressive (to prove they can protect us I’m told), their sources of entertainment are often much different than mine. So, I’m happily sending him off to his brother’s tonight to watch football, drink beer and probably cuss a little depending on how the Bombers do. I’m not going to complain about all the wrestling and football we watch now that all our shows are over for the summer. I’m going to play video games with him more often. I’m going to not chide him for freaking out on a car that drove in a way that jeopardized our safety. I’m going to let him know we each have our different role, neither of which is more important than the other, and in fact the more manly he is the more womanly I can feel.
5. Fireproof Our Marriage – After we watched the movie Fireproof I knew I wanted and knew we needed to fireproof our own marriage. Not that we’re in trouble, but prevention is the key, because as Smokey says “Only you can prevent wildfires!” I have ordered the Love Dare book associated with the movie Fireproof, and as soon as it arrives (which I hope is soon, it would be very awesome to have during this ‘honour hubby’ month) I plan to go through it as a devotional and an intentional wooing of Sean. Who couldn’t use some intentionally wooing, especially when the ‘wooing’ days are about 7 years behind us? Not only that but with my ‘independence day’ I’ve realized how easy it is to let unhealthy and even dark things into our lives, into our marriages, and they can slowly and unnoticeably eat away at our strong relationships, dissolving the core and leaving the shell to crumble. I want to poison-proof, weed-proof, fireproof, anything-proof our marriage! I want to honour Sean by doing everything I can to ensure our marriage is forever.

Anyone who is looking to strengthen their marriage, I would highly recommend they take up this challenge! If you do, let me know what you plan to do to honour your husband.

My Independence Day

What a perfect time for my counseling session, just before a celebration of being strong and free, and celebrating independence! Counseling showed me so much, so much that I already knew deep down, and so much to absorb and actually 'walk out' what I learned, most of it is hard to put into words so I hope this gives you a picture.

This is goodbye to all that was and hello to all that is to come, as the song says, no turning back, no turning back.