Awhile ago I wrote about 'expecting miracles' and how even though I know and have complete faith God is very capable of giving me a miracle child, I have had trouble expecting that for myself. I wasn't sure I should expect the miracle I wanted, so I expected a miracle in general.
Where do you draw the line between being hopeful and being presumptuous?
Like with healing, I know miraculous healings can and do still happen today, and I faithfully pray for those miracles when I pray for people who need healing. Yet I get this urge to always end that prayer in, 'but your will be done.'
As much as I believe miracles are completely possible, I also know that God has a perfect plan, and sometimes that perfect plan does not include miracles. Not the kind we are asking for anyway.
I think there is a different kind of miracle he does in those circumstances. When all our plans and control fail, we naturally succumb to helplessness....and in that place we can surrender our heart, soul, mind and body to him, he fills the emptiness and heals the brokenness in his perfect way, and anything we thought we desperately wanted, we would gladly forfeit for that relationship we have now. This is the miracle I am content to have received.
Just look at the books of Jeremiah and Lamentations. Even after a life of obedience that resulted in no external success, even at the end of writing a book all about lamenting his life he said he wouldn't change a thing because of his relationship with God.
YET. Jeremiah has one of the most hopeful verses in all of the Bible, used by many people, including myself, to give themselves/maintain hope. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.
I finally feel like I'm at a place where he knows I trust his plans completely, I know he has plans to give me hope, not harm. I would completely forfeit my dreams of children if he asked me to, because I want to have that perfect purpose he created me for....not my own. And I want to be in right relationship with him, by being obedient to his will for me. Not that I expect that will be easy. What I expect is that he'll continue to give me the miracle of peace in choosing him.
I don't feel he's asked me to forfeit my own dreams yet. I only feel that way sometimes because of lack of 'results'. But I haven't yet discovered that dream doesn't walk hand-in-hand with my purpose.
And that is why I don't feel presumptuous believing that my miracle could still be mine one day.
So, for now, I am full of hope again.
And expecting miracles that look like children to call my own.