I started this post actually hoping to find photos of my moments of win, but got busy, couldn't find exactly the pictures I was looking for. Over time I actually began reading other blogs and hearing other people talk about the actual climb up the mountain. How we actually would rather not remember the gruelling crawl, oops, I mean climb up the mountain. How we can sometimes forget, or want to forget, the slips, trips and falls, especially when we couldn't or didn't want to get back up again. But I remember, and I want to remember, because it forced me to learn from mistakes, it forced me to get comfortable with pain, it forced me to realize when I don't have strength I know who I can turn to.
I decided those ugly moments are actually the ones I remember! The ones I never want to forget! Remember that time I was really grappling with gief? Remember when I was waist deep in that mess, clawing my way out? Remember that time I was on my knees because I just couldn't reach any higher in that moment? Remember when I wished I could see His footprints in the sand next to mine, or better yet, could only see one set of prints because he was carrying me?
These are those moments. The moments I may not have been at the bottom, but I was no where near the top. The moments I really had to make a choice, to keep going or give up.
Here I am beginning to taste freedom from co-dependence, yet I would jump back into it several times and I can still see the clues as to how in this photo.
Here I was in my first job that actually felt like it could be my career. Little did I know I was completely fooled by a manipulative boss, it was not only a dead end job but it would be the second time I was almost convinced I should lose faith in myself.
My tattoo was a symbol of closing a chapter in my life that took until I was 30 to resolve. Or so I thought, because 2 years later I just about had a breakdown due to not fully dealing with that past.
Just a few days before my sister announced she was pregnant with my nephew, I was 12 days late and convinced I was pregnant. He's now almost 2 years old and I still am childless.