Saturday, March 6, 2010

Fruits of the Lori

Just leaving another little reminder, to myself, of what my priorities are in my life and accounting for my progress:

Health. My exercising is still regular, and it's more like 2 or more hours a week now, but not all on the treadmill. I started adding weights again as well some core exercises with my giant stress ball (often known as a pilates ball). The jogging hasn't improved, my hip has been giving me too much trouble this month, but I'm still not going as slow as I was in December. My diet has been a big achievement this month, as I talked Sean out of going to Foody Goody every week as we have for the last year (it became a special 'us' time, but of course the food was a big draw too). So that's about 1000 calories less a week. I also gave up sugar for lent because it's just seemed to be too big of a weak spot I needed a bigger reason to give it up than just my will power alone. I started a tracker of all my health goals, not just the kind that help me lose weight, and I have begun to feel genuinely happy in my body for the first time in a long time.

Self discovery. My creative journalling has been a little slower this month, but likely because I decided to tackle subjects that aren't very easy to uncover/discover. I've been blogging more about the 'little' things, not just as a 'filler' to feel like I'm posting more but little snapshots of how I'm feeling that I just feel need documentation. After all, that's half of why I do this....for a history of myself for myself. I of course am a little too much of a planner and perfectionist, because I've got almost a dozen blog entries started since being inspired, but have yet the time to chase my inpsiration through to completion. I need to focus some self-discipline back this way :)

Self discipline. Well, taking away sugar was a big step, and has become an exercise of not only teaching myself I can stand up to my worst temptations, but it's also teaching me how to be resourceful and finding ways to achieve my goals without lowering or rejecting my standards. I have mostly kept up to date on my daily Bible readings, I'm just a few days behind, but I'm finding that although being able to squeeze in a daily reading makes it easier to accomplish, I am not absorbing as much as I hoped. Reading through Leviticus right now might have something to do with that, but I'm going to be making an effort not to read while other things are around to distract me.

I think I've done well enough that I can add one more priority that has become a focus over the last few months. I really want to be a more considerate person.

con-sid-er-ate /k-n-s-d-r-t/ [kuhn-sid-er-it] showing kindly awareness or regard for another's feelings, circumstances, etc.

Being Considerate. Not bragging ;) but I'm naturally a very caring and giving and kind person, BUT that's when I can see a need. Sometimes I feel so obliviously unaware to what other people might be feeling/needing, or just so unequipped to show them the empathy they need. This month I have finally felt there are a few specific people who have really needed even the smallest of gestures or time or encouragement, people I may not have always noticed this need in. Some of them close to me, some of them not, some of them obviously in need, some of them not, some of them deserving, some of them....well quite frankly I was led to love them more by God than my heart. A few of them have already pretty much emptied my bank of love for them. Those few have been, for lack of a better word, needy for quite awhile already, taking and not giving much back. It's been exhausting exercising the patience not to confront them on their lack of reciprocation. How far do I take consideration? But I just kept feeling there wasn't a good time to tell them I'm getting to the point I need something back to keep going. And I cried out to God for help because it's painful being that empty in a relationship just about every day. He showed me, this was beyond my quest for consideration....and I felt relief! I could finally feel ok about asking to receive.
Nope, that wasn't what He meant.
It wasn't just consideration He was helping me with, it was learning to love without getting anything back.
It was learning to love for His sake, not for my own.
It was learning to get my need for love, and all other needs for that matter, met by Him, not primarily from my human relationships.
It was learning to love from His bank of love for them, not my own.
Little did I know an attempt to be more aware of the needs of those around me would lead to a call for sacrificial love! (sarcasm :) I just wanted to have better intuition relating to people.....and remember to ask my guests if they need something to drink :)

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