It finally feels like I'm making progress, saying no to things if I 'want' to do them just because I feel like I 'should'. If I have no really good reason why, then I don't! People may be a little disappointed they aren't getting a handmade card from me this year, but these are the same people who every year say 'I can't believe you hand make all your Christmas cards!' Besides, the photo card was hand/digitally made by me :)
My Tuesday nights are over now, a slight relief, but I'm already missing my new friends. One new friend has been really great, we facilitated together and I gave her a ride a few times, and the times we've talked have really connected us and she's just the kind of friend I've been needing. Uplifting, inspirational, she's a really godly woman and she's been through something similar to my past. It's interesting because every time I saw her at Church before this, she just had this 'something' about her that drew me to her and now we're friends. Orchestrated me thinks :) Ever since we've grown closer I just don't feel like there is so much weightyness in my soul....that's the best way to describe it. I'm feeling very blessed and looking forward to a continued friendship, even when we're not facilitating group.
And although seasonal busyness is picking up and I'm not able to avoid all things goal-oriented, I'm not feeling the pressure I was even a month ago. Work load has been at 90% instead of 150%, so some pressure off there. Other issues have both increased and decreased but I'm finding I'm determined to communicate about them in the moment to avoid unnecessary worry which was leading to anxiety before. Some people aren't liking the communcation so much, not entirely sure what to do about that situation yet, but at least I've tried, and I have some great people to vent to in the mean time.
I'm actually past the point where I'm itching to do things just because I'm restless and need to fill up empty time and I'm wanting to do things for the enjoyment of doing them. I think that's a good sign I'm healing, and hopefully on pace to start the new year off ready to fully engage in life again!