It's a real struggle, most days, to figure out what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to let God do. There are so many sayings like, “Pray like it all depends on God, work like it all depends on you.” Or, "God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest." "God gives the milk but not the pail." "Try thyself first, and after call in God. For to the worker God himself lends aid." "God helps those who help themselves."
I know I can't sit on my butt and expect God to take care of everything. I can't expect He'll make the fridge unnopenable when I'm looking to emotionally eat, or to draw my feet to the treadmill like magnets to steel. I can't expect He'll shut down my electronics when I want to waste time rather than spend it with Him. I can't expect He'll erase judgemental thoughts from my mind like a chalkboard. He can't hit pause before I do something stupid so that I have time to think it through and realize I shouldn't do it.
I obviously have to control myself to some extent, but to what extent? Thinking that being dependent on God means sitting on my butt is one extreme and thinking that I have to do it all on my own strength is the other. Where is the middle ground?
I want to know when do I help myself and when do I look to Him for help? Do I just do it until I can't do it myself anymore? Many a tempation has been acted on in that moment of "I can still do this on my own." Do I ask for help before I do every single thing? Somehow that feels like calling up my dad to help me tie my shoes, cut my meat, hold my hand while I cross the street. What if I just make sure to seek His help in my areas of weakness, with my weight, with my laziness, my judgementalness, etc. The thing is I am not aware of every weakness I have. Sometimes those sneaky weaknesses will appear out of nowhere, something you thought was dealt with, something you never contemplated, something completely out of your normal character.
I wish there was some level you can place on yourself to see when you have that perfect balance. A gauge that tells me I'm in the sweet spot. Wait, that sounds a lot like a compass. There is only one way to always make sure I'm pointing north and that's to keep my eyes on Him. Have you ever noticed when you are driving that if your eyes leave the road for even just a few seconds your car has followed the path of your eyes and veared off the path you were heading down? I need to make sure I don't look away, and even if I feel far away, just keep heading north. If I draw near to Him, He'll draw near to me. And the closer to Him I am the more clearly I can hear Him, directing me.
When I want to run to the fridge for any reason other than hunger pains, I'll hear Him say I don't need food to bring myself comfort. When I want to veg out in front of the t.v., I'll hear Him calling me to spend time with Him instead. When I want to pass judgement on someone, I'll hear Him tell me how lucky I am to be close to Him, having Him to direct me away from making those mistakes I'm judging. When I want to act on an impulse that is not becoming of a child of God, I'll hear Him remind me all is for not if I don't act with love.
The fact that I don't hear Him everytime is just evidence I'm still ignoring the compass sometimes. When I'm falling into old pitfalls, making allowances, acting without thinking, just all more evidence I'm not letting Him 'direct my paths', my eyes are somewhere on the side of the road, or the passenger seat, or the car behind me. I need to keep my eyes on Him.
Because you never know when the time you choose to look away from the road is going to be the difference between not being able to avoid a big pothole and hitting a guard rail and flying off the side of a bridge.
3 comments:
Thanks Lori. That was some pretty good insight and a nice kick to my bum. Appreciate the insight and your honesty.
Sheila
I think you're on the right track. It IS hard to know what's our responsibility and what is God's. He's no fairy godmother and change takes time ~ and OUR effort!
I always struggled with this too, in the past, but I've found this whole "praying without ceasing" thing may be the key. At least, I've experienced the most growth in times where I spend significant amounts of time in prayer. I usually do it on my walk ~ it feels most natural then ~ but obviously, some days I need to find other times either because I haven't been able to walk or because I need to spend MORE time.
The most amazing thing is, I find, how my prayers about a certain thing or situation often end up changing if I pray about them long enough. Spending time in prayer really does bring our hearts and minds closer to God's and we begin to see things as He would have us see them. And then, somehow, our actions end up following suit.
It really is a beautiful discovery.
'God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest'--I like that and it is a good reminder. Even as a wait on Him for what He has planned for me for fall, I still know it is up to me to be actively job searching and that a job will not simply fall into my lap.
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