I have really been desperately trying to find my self-worth in the person God sees me as, His vision of me is as good as it will get and full of truth, full of grace, full of love. I want to know what He thinks of His creation, His daughter, His steward. I mentioned, a few posts back, a video about an encounter with God, asking Him two questions; How much do You love me? and What were You thinking when You created me?
To be honest, I wasn't sure I would have as clear or moving answer as the testimony in the video. After all, God was pursuing her to ask Him to answer those two questions, I was a copy-cat trying to recreate the experience for myself.
But, of course, God showed up in flying colours, literally and figuratively :)
First, How much do You love me? God celebrated me with proclaiming how much He anticipated the day I would Be. How He couldn't wait to spend time with me on earth, the person I would be He couldn't wait to be with. Wow.
Second, What were You thinking when You created me? The first thing He did was giggle and proclaim with a smile, "I'm going to need all my colours!" :) He gave me pictures of various types of sunrises/sunsets, He has given me this picture of how He sees me as a sunset before, but this time He was showing me the 'uncontainable' nature of the sun at horizon, how my vision of that was so narrow. 'All His colours' meant I had so many facets, so many sides to me...something I used to think was a detriment (good at a lot, great at nothing) but lately I've realized it's made me relatable to a lot of amazing people who enhance my life, and I enhance theirs. I see this now as something God designed me to be like on purpose! And I love that about myself now!
I've also been shown, through the words of others, how I shine His light profoundly in their life. He was showing me that as His sunset I am just dispersing His light. Like the song that was coming to mind, Indescribable (...Uncontainable), "Who imagined the sun and gives source to it's light."
Then He also equated creating me to my own paintings, tapping into that feeling I get when I get to bring into existence something I imagined. It's an amazing feeling and to feel that from Him about me...I started weeping. "Just like you can't stop fussing over your favorite creation, you just can't be done working with it because it's too wonderful a feeling, you never want to stop being connected to that piece, that's how I feel about you." and "Just like you give away your creations hoping that it will bring as much joy to others as it brings to you, that's how I feel, I want to give you to those who can appreciate you as much as I do." A little while later I saw Him dipping a paint brush into His heart to draw 'colours' from to paint me.
I couldn't have asked for a more tangible feeling that evening, to tie God's thoughts and feelings about me into something I have experienced with my hands, my head, my heart. I thought my eagerness to understand how God sees me would be quenched with an experience like that, but it was only an appetizer, only increasing my hunger for what He can show me about myself. Somehow I just know there is a much deeper well to draw from, because I know He wants me coming back for more :)
And I will.