Fruits of my Labor

So, despite not making any resolutions tied to the New Year, I have been experiencing more resolve than normal to become the best person I can become. The catalysts have been numerous; a lack of items checked of my 101 List, seeing friends/family reaching their goals and their potential, gaining rather than losing weight, a general re-examining of my purpose (realizing I don't feel any closer than last year, and like I haven't even acted that much on what I did learn last year). Maybe it's all the time I had on my hands over the holidays, maybe it's just something that happens to most of us, regardless of trying to avoid 'The Resolution', but I've been doing a lot of inner reflecting and deciding things I am trying to permanently change about my life.
As I mentioned my last post, I have some goals for fruitfulness, but overall my main goal is to be fruitful, period. If my results are not bearing fruit, something has to change, now. Here are some areas I know I need to change now.


Health. I am determined to keep my health a priority, and that means not letting myself get lazy. There is a difference between a 'break' and just being lazy and my 'break' from exercise has been too long to not just be lazy. My break from avoiding food treats has been too long to not just be lazy. But I refuse to allow myself to continue this aversity to work, and suffering. Everything else I've been filling myself with to avoid it has just not been fruitful. I'm back working out at least 2 days per week. I've got a taste for making my muscles hurt (in a good way :) and sweating again. I have actually developed the loss of taste for a lot of my usual snacks, I'm actually tired of them! I'm walking by chocolate and thinking 'ugh!' Shocking I know! I find myself not snacking at all or resorting to more healthier snacks. We are eating out way less, and I am continually trying to impliment healthier menu options to add more to my repetoire and therefore an easier option. My motivation is similar to my last campaign for health, yet something has changed. I don't want my exterior to be seen as self-depreciation or self-disinterest. I want to be seen as strong enough to overcome this, strong enough with His power of course.



Purpose. I've made several attempts at journalling over the years, in various forms, blogs being one of them of course. To me, journals have always been a little self-discovery, a little documentation. I have so many kinds of journals and I have a new determination to delve into them all, partially to document, a way to remember and honor lessons learned, hopefully ingraining them in my memory, partially to continue the self-discovery I feel I need more than ever. I have over the course of the last year felt that sharing my insights in my blogs may be part of my purpose, but I know that's not all. I feel the need to hash out my feelings about my previous goals, how I can achieve them in different ways, what I am meant to do instead, what talents am I not tapping into the full potential of? I have re-begun a discovery/creative journal I attempted to start in 2004, where I use many different mediums to become more intuitive, courageous, effortless, and less self-consious and inhibited in my creativity and self-discovery. It's been fun and freeing and fruitful.



Discipline. I spend a lot of time admiring people for various fruits they've developed, yet not doing much to attain that which I admire. I have become determined not to let that continue. When I find myself wishing I could be 'that way', I won't think of it as a lofty goal and I will make a plan to develop that fruit in myself, and then remained disciplined until I've achieved that goal. The number one thing on my list I have always wished I had more discipline with is reading the Bible. I can't expect to grow closer to God, and become more fruitful, if I don't dedicate myself to reading His Word. I have treated Bible reading as a goal and not a need, I need it like I need exercise and healthy eating. So, I'm making it almost fool proof. I have found a Facebook application for the One Year Bible Online, which gives me 7 days of daily readings when I open the application (on my profile page). My penchant for time wasting is at it's highest on Facebook, so I'm using my weakness against me :) and making my Bible reading just shy of too easy!



I will be a different person by this time next year, and for all the years to come, I am shaping myself into that person, day by day. I don't know who that person is yet, but I know who they won't be.