Well, after just over a week of struggling, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I think I am back to my normal. I am thankful I have a lot of wonderful people in my life I can reach out to, and talk to, each understands a different aspect, in a different way, and can speak truth into those moments. But mostly I am just surrounded by support and encouragement and hugs and I feel beyond blessed for the people God has placed in my life to love me back to health.
Even my physical health is bouncing back, which it had a lot to have to recover from. The fatigue is gone so I'm going to go out for some walks this week again. Back to cooking rather than eating out. Back to my plateau weight, so a small gain of 3 lbs. And the cheats are now done. I think :)
It feels like I was cheating for so long but it was really just the Sunday to Sunday. No offense to mom's but one day gets so dragged out, it felt like Smothers Day for 8 days. But with some cheating, great friends, and some avoidance tactics, I was actually mostly good by Sunday.
I capped this really difficult time testing out some talk therapy for my depression with my favorite counselor (technically in training), my hubby. I realized, the food did very little to help how I felt. The most helpful thing was talking with friends and God. But even that mostly only worked in the moment I was talking to those friends, in any moment of isolation and no effective distractions, I wasn't ok. And so I've learned I need to work on that while I am back to 'normal', preventative preparation, so that next time I don't feel so hopeless. Sean did an amazing job of helping me see hope that doesn't depend on a future event, but the hope I have in each day. It's strange how I can see and be blessed by joy, gratitude, love daily, yet the absence of hope still trumped that, and so I need to tie in hope to that joy, gratitude and love.