Do you remember the childhood taunts that often ended in, 'Well, my dad is bigger than your dad!" Children knew their capabilities only went so far and they could accept the limitations of their age/size. They also knew their father did have strengths they didn't, and that they could rely on him to use his strengths to save them.
"Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
Oh for it to be that easy, to lower ourselves to a position of complete humbleness, confessing to our weaknesses because whatever strengths we do have are not what is important. Our strengths don't, won't, can't save us. That's what our Father is for. When we accept we are lowly we can do so much more in his power. So why do we hold on to them so tightly?
Now, that little snippet was actually just a little rabbit trail from the lesson God was actually teaching me when he popped that song into my head, I just figured it was a good preface to this post. Actually, he gave me that song, not during a prayer for myself but, during a prayer for my husband. Because I was talking to God about how it seems Sean and I are hardly ever strong in our faith at the same time, it's when I really hit a weak point that Sean shows his strength. Hmm.
I've mentioned before the tug of war I've had with purposefully not moving forward spiritually so that I can serve Sean, and his growth, instead of mine, but at that time I still don't think I fully understood what God was trying to tell me. My idea of helping Sean was to exemplify what a life closer to God could be like, to make him want that. The strength, the wisdom, the peace, the freedom...and all of that is part of it.
But.
But I am not really being weak now am I? 'Holding myself back' and being an example of the rewards that flow from a closer relationship with God are not exactly positions of humility. Where is his opportunity to be strong if I show no weakness? Where is his opportunity to grow by serving me? He has many strengths that I don't and I can rely on him for them but, spiritually, do I allow an opportunity for those strengths to shine? The only opportunities I've typically given him are when I have no choice, I've fallen fast and far, and I failed him....yet he's risen to the challenge. How is he going to build any spiritual 'muscle' if I refuse to let him carry me at all? He is not going to grow because of my strengths.
Just like I need to let Jesus carry me more, I need to let Sean carry me more as well.
God grant me the humility to have a heart that is lowly, willing to confess my weaknesses to Sean, so that he can do so much more, because whatever strengths I have are not what is important.
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