Never Imagined

I have the kind of personality that imagines.

Imagines in a good way. 

Like I just had fun water painting this.

Imagines in a bad way. 

When a potential scenario, no matter how bad, enters my mind I have to imagine it to prepare myself, somewhat - as much as possible, for the possibility it actually happens. 

I have imagined never having kids.

I have imagined Sean dying.

If there is one thing I have feared even more than those two sad, sad scenarios, it is losing a child I finally have. I haven't even been able to bear fully imagining that situation. 

But one thing I never imagined is attending the funeral of an 18 month little boy. 

I don't even know how this is really happening, I can't even begin to imagine how his parents are feeling. 

No matter how difficult the things I imagine, nothing is as difficult as reality.