Wellness Wednesday

I am a disciple of Jesus. Learning the art of discipleship. Discipline.

Usually I am a quick learner. Except for a few bad habits I've had most of my life. So I'm using discipline to renew my mind about them. About food.

Self-control is not a fruit I have consistently. I have it in spades temporarily. Temporary physical sacrifice I am actually pretty good at. Because it is on my own strength. Because it is 'my' body, it's for my own results only. But then, after the results I want, I am done, and I mean almost completely done, with self-control.

But.

Weight loss is no longer the results I want. I want my body to not be mine. I want it to be internally and externally His temple, His home. I want it to be a sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, a spiritual act of worship. Not just a temporary physical sacrifice, that is not worship. I can no longer pretend my body is mine. I was bought at a price, a very high price was paid so that my body could become the Holy of Holies. I can no longer dishonour God with my body.

I need to do all that I can to subject my mind and body to God's transforming power. I need to see the foods and inactivity I am tempted by as the opposite of 'whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, excellent or praiseworthy'. I can no longer see those temptations as anything but the opposite of what I need to think on. It's the only thing honouring His sacrifice.

But.

I am human. My flesh will fail. As I train in the discipleship of my mind, I will discipline my body and intentionally yet temporarily produce the much needed self-control. I know I can sacrifice physically 10, 21, 31, 40 days. That will be a start.  Lent is the perfect beginning to this act of spiritual worship.

My lent is nothing new as food elimination goes. Where I am weakest. What is unhealthiest (cumulatively especially). I haven't even struggled coming up with our meals the last week with no gluten, dairy, egg, processed sugar, corn/corn oil, caffeine, pork or beef. This isn't meant to be my diet forever, just until I've truly produced real self-control, a true fruit of my spirit. Then my own efforts won't be important. No longer just discipline but a faithful disciple.

**UPDATE**
Well, I actually wrote this yesterday, before I got a stomach bug and the only thing I can eat is gluten crackers and gingerale :( and my doctor has decided I should be tested for Celiac's disease, which means I can't cut it out to get a true test. So...slight bump in the road but now I know even more, if I am Celiac that I will have more serious reasons to be very mindful of the food I put in my body.

New outfit

I'm actually getting good with my body image and body size progress enough to post a new outfit :)
Total cost $40.

I could not ask for more

12 years ago today I was introduced to the possibility of dating Sean, and listening to country music :) Not long after I was hooked on both. 2 years later I sang this at our wedding.

"These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment
is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me."

Still very true. Even more true I'd say.

In the Big Leagues

Have you ever felt like you were in a situation way out of your league?

I have spent a great amount of time in the last few weeks (good distraction) preparing for just such an event. I can't even recall, and am too lazy to look up, if I've mentioned here before the link between our Friday night Celebrate Recovery group and a movie set for release this Spring, Home Run. The movie was basically written as a recovery story, but even more specifically, a Celebrate Recovery story. I was privileged to see it last summer at the CR Summit I went to, and they asked for the help of CR's across America to get the movie into mainstream theatres.

My official leadership capacity at CR, above leading small groups for women, is the Assimilation Coach, responsible for all things promotion & resource related. So, it fell to me to promote Home Run. The Home Run promotions team did a great job helping me out with step by step instructions, but they also then offered the chance to pre-screen the movie to a small audience of local influencers who could, in turn for their free viewing, generate about 50+ purchased tickets when it hits theatres. The goal is to get at least 1000 people in Winnipeg committed to buying tickets.

So, as excited as I was about being able to show a pre-screen of the movie, that meant getting in touch with, inviting, following up with, and eventually schmoozing with some of Winnipeg's most influential people. That included pastors, other recovery program directors, politicians, CHVN Program Director, chaplin for all 3 of our professional sports teams, even a Goldeyes player! Pun intended, I felt like I was a little league player, playing in the big leagues.!

It was quite stressful trying to put together an event that would impress them, above and beyond the movie. And of course, the best laid plans.....!  I was scrambling to the last minute last Saturday, trying to pull it all together in a meaningful way. And I was so busy that I forgot to take any pictures!! Arg! You know it's bad when I don't have time to take any pictures. I did not, however, get any panic attacks, pull hair, go grey, or any of that fun stuff, so I guess it went well :)

Here's a run down of our pre-screen event Feb.9th, 2013:





425 printings of various resource pamphlets
70 movie posters printed
50 autographed photos of Christian Goldeyes player Andrew 'Ace' Walker (that didn't show up until Tuesday after event)
40 movie snack packages (chips, nibs, water)
23 volunteer shirts & merch (10 of which still haven't shown up)
22 out of 31 guests arrived
14 amazing volunteers
9 Door prizes
1 screen and 1 blu-ray player that didn't get installed until less than 24 hours before the screening!

Phew! I am so glad that is over and now I can just do more behind the scenes stuff that I am WAY better at! Like our new Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/BringHomeRunTheMovieToWinnipeg. If you have yet to hear about this great movie, check it out for trailers and all sorts of details and updates.

Music and Cats

I have posted these songs before, just about exactly 2 years ago, coming out of a spiritual winter. I'm needing these reminders again, turning up the heat before I get that cold again.

Apparently, "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.” Albert Schweitzer. My kitties have been of great comfort, and these are the songs giving me refuge and hope right now.

Anyway by Martina McBride and Desert Song by Hillsong. Here are some of they lyrics that meant the most to me, interwoven as I feel their messages ovelapped.

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good 
When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me lord through the flames

You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

Another Ending

First one loss.

Now another.

In 2 months Sean hasn't been able to draw in enough support for the job at Youth For Christ, so they have essentially removed the offer, to be fair to Sean, to not keep him in limbo. We aren't quite sure why the timeline we thought we had was shortened. We're not quite sure they are saying no new support has come in when people have told us they've sent it. All we know is they intend to send a letter to donors this week sometime. We have a few days to fight for this. Maybe a few days.

I am just....at a loss.

We've tried so hard to be sure we're asking God for his guidance and following his leading before we make these huge decisions.

We've made or been willing to make sacrifices, releasing our need for control, our need for so much financial security.

We've become dissatisfied with a life in pursuit of upgrading, now our pursuits of a life full of more meaning are unsuccessful.

What do we need to do if not that?

In His Hands

When I first created the name for this blog, Lori-in*HIS*hands, I was still wrestling with actually feeling like I was individually cared for a God that created everything. Almost 8 years later, I can say I feel like God is personally invested in my life, yearns to spend one-on-one time with me in our favorite spot, and that he tells me things, he shares secrets with me, he gives me personal insight, and sometimes he tells me things that are inconsequential, but I know it's proof he's right there with me in even the mundane moments.

Yet. Just over a week ago, I felt like I was anywhere but in the safe, caring hands of my Father. I had begged him not to let it happen. For a few days, that's the last thing I had said to him, because I didn't know what else to say. Where could I go from a request that meant life or death, that didn't get answered the way I wanted it to? I felt instant distance.  But I knew I had crawled out of his hands, I could feel him trying to draw me back to him, and I wouldn't.

Then, he gave me a song. At our small group the very next day our friend was doing worship and she played this song.

Then, the next day, Friday, we opened up to share it as a prayer request and the leader who prayed for us said something like, 'God, this little one is now in your hands, who you knew before they were in Lori's womb.'

On Sunday, during worship, God showed me a picture of him holding me at that moment I was begging him not to take away my baby. How he was holding me, and the baby, and just weeping with a broken heart for me.

Then on Tuesday, a particularly anxiety filled day for me, I decided to try aroma therapy to calm myself, I bought some lavender chamomile foam bubbles for a bath later that night. Right before I was about to go get in my bath, my dear friend stumbled across this anointing oil on a website, Scents of Heaven, and sent this link to me. I can't begin to tell you how my heart leaped in my chest.   An anointing oil, scented with lavender, called 'In His Hands' whose history came about when a lady had a miscarriage. On the same day I was obsessed with aromatherapy.

Then, last night, at small group again, we were doing some listening prayer. I was leading us through something similar done just about exactly a year before at our Church. It was in fact that journey of listening prayer that led me to God's promise for children. I shared this experience and the journey, then we all invited God to reveal a place he wanted to take us. God took me to heaven and showed me my baby being held by an angel, it took me a few moments, but then I realized that exact picture I had seen before. I had seen it almost a year and a half ago, in a dream. This dream.

I may have crawled out of God's hands but he would not let me stay there. He kept pursuing me to draw close to him again, heaping upon me proof that he has me, and my babies (all of 5 of them), in his hands. Showing me how he feels what I feel, the sadness, the grief, and it felt even deeper than my own. Then, heaping upon me the love of those around me, to pour out his love on his behalf. There are many, many, many other things he has revealed to me, blessed me with, promised me in the last few days that erase all doubts, there is no question how tenderly and tightly he is holding on to me in his hands.  I am almost to a point, it is getting hard to grieve because of all the good that he has brought out of this. Yet I know he wants me to mourn as I need, and he wants to hold me and comfort me.